The Notes Byrne XXX (Sugar kisses, alcoholism and vampires ) © 2015

 Then I met this gay dude outside of an NA meeting. Chose him as a sponsor. He let me know he was gay immediately. He was a pianist on contract with the department of defense.

He was a government contracted pianist. Had seven years of ‘clean time.’ His rock bottom was getting shot seven times when he was dealing drugs. Called him, family members and friends (including David’s mother) every night.

When I graduated from ARD I heard my peers were not spared from the counselors calling them out. I remember all the patients, who had commenced, giving their academy awards speech. Thanking everyone who helped them in rehab. The Army Ranger colorfully compared his recovery to ranger missions. I was angry that my platoon sergeant wasn't there to hear my academy award speech. Therefore, I didn't give an academy award speech. Merely told them that I was going to use the tools from the spiritual toolbox that they had given me.

Kept that chip from commencement for years in my back pocket. Lost it in Clarksdale in 2008-was so fearful I would relapse when I lost it.

One thing that got me to thinking I had a problems was when someone told me that when I spoke I mostly talked about getting drunk-sure way to know if you are an alcoholic. I attended one of my first Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in Fort Lee. It was advised to me to at least try it for six months by a comrade in the 54th

            As addressed, in the chapter The Family Afterwards from The AA Basic Text, a great way to get over the cravings of alcohol is to eat candy. That’s because alcohol contains a lot of sugar. Of course, be cautioned this could also lead to diabetes.

. I remember the day I got busted, I went to the Fort Lee meeting. They had candy in the middle of the table. I cried and ate much candy.

My appointed counselor in the ADAPC (Alcohol and Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Program )

 introduced me to the book The Artist Way. Immediately, I started on the assignments that paralleled the 12 steps. Thus came my first book in sobriety Don Diputs.

In early recovery you start getting very aroused by everything and you also want a drink so bad. Thus Don Diputs had both elements of being aroused, urges that aren’t suppressed by alcohol any longer, and wanting to drink in early recovery. The story was an erotic comedy about stripper vampires, and a writer who relapsed after becoming rich and famous.  All set to the anthems of some musicians I like, mostly Danzig and Rollins Band. The work was very pornographic. Had to censor it for publication on Kindle. In retrospect I see how it had a slight likeness to the Shinning. Twilight Zone episodes continually played and other creepy television shows that cued supernatural activity. purchase e-book here

I did as I was told, by the rehab counselors, when I returned. Went to a meeting in Petersburg. I also picked a sponsor closer to me. Fritzgerald, “You may not want me to sponsor you because I’m an asshole. You are going to have to work hard.” I was compliant. Called him every day. Was very fortunate that there was a week long step study. And I remember feeling embarrassed coming to meetings in my Army bdu's (battle dress uniform). would have rather been in the gym. I had got much stronger, stronger than I had ever been. “You may get buffed but you won’t stay sober.” Thus I worked the steps with in a month of my new recovery. Gave marbles as chips. “If you relapse you lose your marbles.”

During that first 4th step much what I could see was how people had wronged me. Took me many years to get to a stage of autonomy-being responsible for my own life.  


They told me not to make any major decisions in that first year. This was impossible for me because, in six months, I had to make a decision to either discharge, or reenlist. I decided to… 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"The Coin" part 1 from "Inside your shadow." (C) 2025

  There’s a river that passes through hell. To get across that river one must pay the ferryman (Charon). One of the items, energies set free was from an AA coin. When one leaves the Earth he/she must pay the Charon a coin. In other worlds (God’s Time is different from manmade time). The energies of the chip went to a father’s wake. He remembered a few years ago, hearing his father talk to his stepmom, “I just don’t understand why he came to Thanksgiving high out of his mind again. I’ve done everything I could do to help him.” The son remembered being drunk and high when he called his father on the telephone, “It’s your fault that I don’t have anything. It’s your fault my girlfriends leave me. It’s your fault because you treated mom so bad. It doesn’t matter how much money you have. You failed at life. That new wife you got will leave you too. How dare you treat your wife’s kids better than you treat me.” He called his father a lot with those type of sentiments. But this tim...
Read more

Notes that Byrne XXXI (Don't make any major decisions) © 2015

“Hey lover, are you naked?” is how the conversation started. Then came all the nasty things she was going to do to me. When she asked about my skin stick size, I told her there’s only one way to figure out, she hung up the phone. That’s a wake up call I’ll never forget. I got up, checked out of the Fort Lee hotel, and hit I-95 toward  Gulfport . Took 12 hours to get home driving non stop. They told me not to make any major decisions in that first year. This was impossible for me because, in six months, I had to make a decision to either discharge, or reenlist. I decided to go into ROTC. Totally ego driven it was. Figured I’d come back to the 54 th and run thangs’. Thus I started planning. Used two note books to write my plans, positive affirmations, contacts, and study work for the Praxis teacher’s exam. I had left USM (University of Southern Mississippi) on academic probation in 1998. Therefore, I had to get accepted under academic probation. I decided to continue to go ...
Read more