100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (..You gotta Know...") (C) 2018

"What did you expect! You took me from home! TOOK ME AWAY FROM ALL I KNEW! MY FRIENDS! MY FAMILY! I WANTED A MAN! DIDN'T WANT TO BE ANYONE'S MOTHER!" She was screaming. I don't get it. Joshua, Carlton, Carmelita and I were playing cards.



My father sent us all these new things for our den. Big table six chairs. Just in time for Joshua and Carlton. We played cards. Of course, Joshua brought his favorite adult beverage, Black Velvet. We were the ultimate team, ‘Team Carmelita’ “…verses. The Heathens!” Carlton exclaimed. Carmelita cleaned the apartment up nice. I spent hours cooking crawfish. At first she was all hospitable. Once again, she turned into someone else. Talking with big stories about her outlaw family. How they used to bet big, how they were part of the prohibition era. Carlton looked skeptical. He saw right through her story. Just kept his head down. He was planning his next move, singing lines from Kenny Rogers “The Gambler.”    "..know when to walk away,And know when to run. You never count your money When you're sittin' at the table.There'll be time enough for countin' When the dealing's done.THE GAMBLER Joshua joins in the singing. Pours Carlton a glass. They're drinking and laughing.


She starts giggling. “Oh I got the ultimate soundtrack.” She puts Electric Light Orchestra in our entertainment system. "You made a fool of me," "...Don't bring me down." From seemingly no where, Carlton pulls out a fat rolled joint. “Carlton!” I scoff. “No, that’s okay honey,” Carmelita interrupts. All was going fine for a couple hours.

Now she’s losing her shit. She stormed into the bedroom. Of course, I followed. I’m thinking thoughts I hate myself for, “She’s just showing out. Trying to get one of my friends to take her from me.” How dare her. "After all I’ve done for you. 

What did you expect! You took me from home! TOOK ME AWAY FROM ALL I KNEW! MY FRIENDS! MY FAMILY! I WANTED A MAN! DIDN'T WANT TO BE ANYONE'S MOTHER!"




I leave her in the bedroom. She’s still cussing at me. Carlton and Joshua were gone. All that remained was thick weed smoke.

Well damn! I go back in the bedroom to assess the damage and she’s sleeping on the bed. What The Hell Is Wrong With This Woman.

We don’t speak for a couple days. She’s hiding something from me. I catch her a few times on a cell phone I bought for her, talking all quietly. once was with her mother.

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