honea byrne

        originally written on  11-29-1998 copyright 1998, 2017                                                                                                         DEATH She sleeps with her back on the couch cushions. This helps her to to believe that she is being held when she is asleep. After a while, no one likes to dream alone. This world's roaring tones and our hopes sprinkled atop lost memories will bring us home... again-

It was  Friday, November 6,  2015 at the  Jackson  Convention Complex. Jackson live 2015 There were about four hundred musical artist, most from Jackson. All of them with hopes of winning the show. There were big shots there like Black Elvis and  Yung Joc. There was even a panel of record executives.  I got brave and did this performance. Click here to view . Damn, I watch it now. Not very stellar. I felt my best friend's spirit there with the rain pouring outside.    Seeing the rain helped my stage fright.   I knew him all my life. He died in 2014. He would keep me going and logical. I miss him. The reason I felt his spirit might have been because of this click here .  Charles' music When I left the event I was driving on I-55 and the rain got so bad I couldn't see the road. Said to myself, "DAMN EVERYTHING FALLS LIKE RAIN." I looked at my car ignition and remembered how I broke the ignition of the last car I owned by having too many keys on my key chain. Tha

"It's what you do after the inspiration passes. You keep going and building that dream-that's discipline. ...and eventually you look back and smile when you realize that you have built something beautiful. The greatest feeling is that you are at peace-that's the gift of perseverance." I was so excited about new feelings, and led by new inspirations. The inspiration fades some days. More than I care to admit. I think of the universal examples: excitement when first having that job, that house, that car, that girl/boy. With me it's the starting on a creative work and completing it when I start. No matter the skepticism from peers, friends, and relatives. The curse I think of being creative is feeling things so intensively. So intensively that I haphazardly think others around me share the joy or sadness. Inevitably, they can't relate and I am on my own again until my actions inspire or reach others. That process is immeasurable in time-sometimes years

Do you remember that day? When our eyes met my breath was taken away and my heart went faster. Then came your laughter that broke through my screams. Could you be the one? The girl of my dreams? I NEW. I knew you were the perfect opportunity. For me to do it as it should be. Maybe it was too much during those moments when I told myself "Don't change the way you are right now." Now as I realized my motives weren't manipulations to feed my fear, my wrath, my pride (3 of 7  deadly sins or Character Defects). For I might have said too much. I didn't tell you I missed you so that I could guilt a response. Didn't speak of self-pity to trap you and other tricks to take you emotionally hostage. Thinking about it in the 'eternal now.' I haven't participated in those behaviors in a while  toward anyone. Less is More before I say and do things I sincerely question my motives. Am I being driven by character defects. That is why I told myself and eve

1996: It was the things I did when I was drunk and high. Some of us gave away our bodies, minds, and souls. I gave away my mind. Wasn't able to live. I was waiting on anything to reach me. Anything on the outside to save my inside. Waited on you to save me. What a burden it must have been to have you sheltering me. I'm sorry. While waiting on you I passed the time drinking, smoking, and injesting anything I could. When I reached a place of deceiving peace I would write, paint, do music. I also traded spiritual tools-used occultist works. Craft and being high doesn't mix well. What I did then I can't totally recall. Did things to get the gods to work in favor of me. The destructive things i taught myself to believe when for an hour or two a day when I was free from the blackouts. Thoughts that warped my mind. I see so lucidly now. When people were quiet I thought they were plotting against me. When I didn't hear from you. I knew you were with someone else. Did

Sometimes You got a take a step back to take a Bigger Step Forward!  “Every time I go all the way down, to the Southern end, of that Haunted Highway 49, I take time to visit a special place in my past.” Over the years I kept everything I did. All the music, stories, essays, art, and poems. I must remember and embrace the lessons that I learned in that special place, ‘a personal hell,’ Your ‘personal hell’ may have been/is a jail cell, or a mental hospital, or maybe relationships, maybe jobs. Some of us have escaped, others are still there. ‘There’ are also our thoughts and memories that become our ‘personal hell.’ Started off doing it. Didn’t take too long for it to start doing me. …all the joyful things were gone. I gave these things away. All that was left was me hating myself. My ‘personal h.e.l.l.,' (here except LohRd’s Love) was a garage apartment on a dead end street. The walls and outside was painted with the same color of a dead body, pale green

LENAE                           July 1, 1997 Of all the sights to see FEAR is just a fight to be free. Let us give thanx and praise one of our lies survives these days. On my shoulders wait of persistence. Why do you resist this. I am missing you. What else can I say or do? I am missing you. What else can I say or do? Never let you go. Never had the strength to let you know. Never took the time to look into your eyes. Tell you, you are on my mind. Then do you think we could give it one more try? If I saw the pain in your eyes maybe you'd give it one more try. We love We lie. Should I give it one more try? Time passes by. When can I see you again. Will it be the same. How much have we changed?

© 2017 To Follow; To Give Away what I am by what I do. I do only what you  do just to have your approval because you wouldn’t like me if you know what I like to do.                                                             …and then later I’ll get angry at you when you say, “You are so selfish.” Then you’ll say, “You don’t know me at all.”-and I’ll get more angry. I WON’T SAY A WORD. I”ll just brood make the silence so thick that it makes you more uncomfortable. You’ll probably be wanting to get as far away from me. Further away from me…

3-12-1997 After This I'll Write the Blues Wish I could be a Romantic and say words that would put a spark in your eyes and make you feel special. Words to hold and comfort you for 'Our Sweet Pause in Eternity':                                                                                                               And then when you awake from                                                                                                                your pain you would be relieved.                   Then do you think we could be together just because someone believed? ______________________________________________________________________________

We worry about sleeper terrorist. What about the sleeper crazy? Like the guy who walks into a pancake house and shoots up the place when the waitress looks at him wrong. Or the guy who gets through security at the White House and opens fire yelling, “Jesus is the way!” Or the woman who goes insane after playing video games and hacks up her whole family. The crazies are out there, not in here in Whitmore. “I MUST WARN YOU CREATIVITY HAS TWO PATHS. ONE IS RIGHTEOUS! THE OTHER IS WICKEDNESS! There will be times that you will know the path you are on. Wickedness can be so much fun; like playing with fire. Through the path of wickedness you will find righteousness. You will find this righteousness is lucid. THE CHOICE IS YOURS. FEW SEEM TO TAKE THIS PATH. Wickedness will have you believing you are God. WHAT YOU WRITE WILL MANIFEST IN YOUR REALITY…” epilogue “You did this.” Where is this voice coming from? I can hardly breathe. “I don’t want this! You don’t have to do thi

“ Ask   your mind a   Stupid Question   and you will   get a Stupid Answer !”- Tony Robbins.   I need to take notice whenever I use sentences that have doom. Example is “this happens to me every time”-every time I don’t get something I want. I also need to heed using words like “All” “Everyone.” Am I bringing on to yourself things you don’t want, by saying these words? I heard a rumor that we become what we think. Do I asks of the universe and the universe answers me? I lose myself with these statements. Or I give myself an excuse to vainly mask my fear. I believe it to be so that many say things like this when it involves doing something challenging in their lives. Write four sentences about How and when you have used the words: “…this always happens to me.” I must take an action that contradicts the words of dooming.  See this prayer

For maximum effect listen to this Rollins band track " spilling over the side" click here to listen while you read this. Well damn! Too late to turn back now. I realize the mistake I made no. Probably came on too strong. Yes, indeed less is more. Wrote her the ultimate prose. Days later I'm spacing myself from her. I know I let my emotions override my logics E/I. That email can't be erased. I also realize other mistakes. Asked her to let me know if I was freaking her out.-That probably had her thinking, "Should I be freaked out?" Also it showed my lack of confidence. I can't say, "I am sorry if I came on too strong," or "I'm sorry if I freaked you out,"-once again this shows me being unconfident and has her questioning again, "Should I be freaked out?" Where do I go from here? Have no time for self-pity, in the meanwhiles in between life being good and bad, or isolation. ...and I damn sure can't wait for my pho

(Looking over The Edge) ...said it before and I'll say it again. The shape of a drawn heart looks  For I've noticed time and time again, "Sigh" it's a level of  uncertainty that keeps life exciting. Makes us. Drives us to create great things. Drives us to love; to hate. Drives us to live or kill ourselves. That had to be why I fell for you...

I Love you. You freed me. You saved me when those feelings came back. I was so pathetic. My desperation reeked of stale cigarette smoke and sweat. That happens to me from time to time, too many damn times. I get it when I get those feelings for someone and then am reminded why I did not choose to believe or even try to love after she left. I been running for a while. This is terrible. It’s like scars that open again and I get the bleeding heart. Surely this is real. I feel these knots in my stomach, tightness in my chest. Thought all this pain had left. So ashamed.  “QUIT CRYING! Good News is that this life ain’t over with yet.” Over the years I kept everything I did. All the music, stories, essays, and poems. Found out. I had forgotten that I been through this before. It was a Christmas Day 1996. This may have little to do with her-it’s me. “It’s not you it’s me,” strange it is to say that. Been told that so many times. 100 Love Letters I’ll Never Send December

© 2017 The Book of Am (introduction) by honea byrne aka holmes III “… God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. .”-Exodus 3:14 When a person says I am ___________ they are either empowering themselves; or disempowering themselves. Some feelings can’t pass as quickly as we like. The good news is that we can control what we say, what we hear, and what we do. For example you can choose to listen to music that makes you feel bad. Or you can listen to music that makes you feel good. Directions: fill ‘feel in the blanks’ I am __________________________________________________________________ I am __________________________________________________________________ I am __________________________________________________________________ I am __________________________________________________________________ I am __________________________________________________________________ I am __________________________________________________________________ I am _________________

On this path of the broken hearted. I have seen good men and women give away all they have for “love or Something Mistaken as love.” They give up there dreams, they give up themselves. I’ve seen man, woman, child, drink and drug once they get what they mistaken as love. They get their heart broken again and again. They dismiss the lessons they’ve learned by generalizations of being victimized, with out ever learning how they themselves could be better people. I have used these generalizations my self. Oh the poisons I have let fill up voids inside. These generalization are really  negative incantations that summon the darkest parts of ourselves. “She was bad to me.” “I gave all I had and it still wasn’t enough,” etcetera etcetera. Fill in examples as you wish. We teach our lovers how to treat us. It was me so desperate to not be alone that enabled her, it became so sick I had to pretend like everything was okay as I emotionally blackmailed her,  examples like “Look at what I’ve done

I want to save ya I do care Know This Woman Got to know if you can walk through the rain with a smile and let yourself go with me and shine. For I fear not the rain it gives me a reason to cry and pretend like everyone else with the cliches like "Is This As Good As It Gets?" Can we endure? Can We Endure? This Love must be pure as we learn who we really are and there's no reason to hide anymore. Baby get ready. Girl you better get ready cuzz it's time to get higher

I use the name honea byrne as homage to my great grand parents Mattie Honea Richmond Byrne. There is no other honea byrne which makes it easy to find me.   When I perform music live I go by my birth name "Holmes." Holmes is my last name. When I write I go by the name "honea byrne." I have a learning disability. Failed first grad. I was in sped classes for most of my school years.  I was raised in Gulfport Mississippi in an upper white class neighborhood. I was read a poem by my baby sitter when I was 2 years of age. I have been writing since I was in first grade. Currently I have a blog honea byrne with over 140,000 views http://www.honeabyrne.com/ , and 12 books self published on AmazonKindle https://www.amazon.com/honea-byrne/e/B009RYIORG . I have a youtube channel with over 300 videos, https://www.youtube.com/user/tonalised Began working out at age 10. I wear a chain around my neck as a way to be p

Damn I got burned. But the fire inside still burns. -I thought for sure this was the one. Must have said things that freaked you out. I'm still learning. For I have killed flowers before by too much water. In the past I have ruined my loves.  I have been led by neediness, jealousy, possession, I want to do it differently now. In the meantimes I have blamed my loves without wanting to see what I did wrong. I have used excuses "Why does this happen to me?" "I am just not meant to be loved." -thus I took no action to change my life; and I remained on the sidelines of how great my life could be. When I looked into your eyes I realized this. Thank you, I am quite in love ...

22 Dec 2016 The last two open mics were weak. The kind of performances where people laugh at you for sucking while they think they fooling you by cheering. I put everything in it. Or do I? I left school at around 1:30 to take that ride down that Haunted Highway 49. I call it that for a few reasons. I'll explain "The Haunted Highway" later. I been having this feeling for days. Maybe it's a feeling brought on by my father's death. The feeling that love is coming my way. I feel it so strong, like some sort of psychic thang. It is gripping me like those moments in life when everything makes sense. 23-25 Dec 2016 Came down and I actually went out on a date on the 23. On Christmas day I went to New Wallens (New Orleans). Really want to see her again. When I was with that girl, I felt like I was so close to things I haven't felt in years-but that's nonsense. Or could it be fate in my favor. The host is Jim Smith, awesome dude. The place is Igor's Checkpoi

"First you get the Money, then the Power, then you get the woman," Scarface- "Or what ever you need to tell yourself to not get that woman. Whatcha gonna do boy?" "Let me tell you what power is. Power is when you run down the streets (exercise). The same streets that you used to destroy yourself on. I remember walking these streets when I was high and drunk with only 2 digit account to my name, skin yellow, weighing a hundred pounds. There I go running passed the Pizza Hut where i started off as a delivery driver, and got promoted to a dishwasher. GOD IS GOOD. And I want to take credit for all this on my own-If I do I'll be sure to say I'm in this thang alone and have no hope. Power is when you travel a hundred and fifty miles determined to rock the next mic harder than before. I felt love in me on the drive down from Jackson and by way of rote memory "The Prayer of St. Franciss of the Sissi guided my way. ..

(c) 2017 ...to save you is to save myself. When you want someone you do things to get their attention. To keep em' I believe you build each other into better people. Only so long that I can keep running from myself. Keep running until I am stopped by all the things i did wrong. This wrongs that come back to me. I pray a love I have built with you will aid in my redemption.

Holmes, the jokes on you they laughing at you. Like looking back on your life and expecting something greater to stare back at you. DAMN THIS JUST DON’T FEEL RIGHT. Had the lines in my and the visual that swarms of folks would dig. Here I sit again, behind my lap top. Got my video camera at the ready. Got my gas station bought aviator sun glasses close to my right hand. Typing on Book II of Don’t Write This. What would this audience think of me if they knew… The hostess is a comedian. She is gaining momentum very rapidly. She’s saying all these nasty jokes about sex. I am amused and distracted for not a ‘long enough moment.’ The truth is haunting me. I just want. I just need a woman. “Where are you woman? I got all this love in my heart. No one to kiss. Surely I ain’t the only one to feel like this.”-hey man I can use those as lyrics to “ Everything falls like Rain .” I’m the only white here. Am I racist for noticing the obvious? Trump got elected-I’m evil whitey again.