honea byrne

Mid November 2014: Was in Jackson teaching about a few weeks, “If not now. When?” Looked up open mics. “Fenigans on Tuesday. Can’t do that because I gotta work the following day.                          “If not now. When?” Later, I have to get adjusted better. “That’s a lie, John!” Was clanging and banging weights and doing handstands against the wall at Quest Fitness Center link when the radio, “This Saturday night come out to the best open mic. Synergy Nights in Jackson at the Med.” Damn, now I have no excuse. Following day, note this may have not happened like this with student . Tuesday a student in my class was getting honory. He refused to do assignment started cursing and threatening me and walking toward me with what I thought was violent intent. I ignored my logic that he was just misbehaving so he could get out of working. “Bring it on!” Went out the door. From no where a lot of students gathered. Most of em’ telling him to beat my ass. I slammed the door so h

At first  it was all about me vs. the world. If they didn’t like what I was doing F.-em’. Now it’s more for the crowd. I’m going into places where musicians have been playing for decades. I’m off and on with my playing. They’re more consitent. I better give the crowd as much musicianship as I can. That means practicing an hour to two hours for days just to rock out a five minute song.  “Blues is when you make more money being unemployed than working” Some say that the government works at keeping families separated. Probably, just the effect of some laws that had ‘good intentions.’ A single mother can receive more money being single than they can if they were married. There is also a payoff in adopting children (something like a grand per child. There are many good parents who adopt and love and nurture their children. Why are only bad examples the only ones we remember? Single parents can also make more money if their child has a disability. In effect, a single mother with fiv

Round mid June 2014 had another interview with the  Gulfport   School District . Principal there said, “You are an inspiration to those with learning disabilities.” Seemed like it was going well until, “Mr. Holmes, how are your relationships with parents?” “Oh uh, parents and I don’t get along so well.” One of the interviewers laughed at my answer. Damn, why did I say that? Shot myself in the foot. Mustah’ naw, I did have the mentality that, “The whole world’s against me.” Thus manifesting a self-failing prophecy. ________________________________________________________________________________  © 2015 June 13, 2015 Sitting here, in the Med, at my usual spot typing, on my labtob, about that place in Hollywood , Los Angeles ,- Cahuenga General Store. Was there on my 40 th birthday. It was by a place called ‘The Acting Corps.’ The Acting Corps had signs on the outside, “If Not Now When?” Ever so reminding me, “Man, I still gots’ a way to go.” Tonight at The Med, Jackso

Left   Prescott   Valley  on May 31, 2014-the anniversary of David’s death. He died by getting struck by lightning. Followed the lightning striking. Praying for rain, I feel so much power from the rain. Could that be because ghost are around water? In the mountains it looks the land goes from the ground to the sky. Not usually accompanied by thunder. As I drove through  New Mexico , the lightning started coming from the sky to the land. I took film footage. I thirsted for God’s Tears. To drink from such an omniscient source would surely give me the strength I needed to endure and take actions I needed to take to keep walking the path-to continue this adventure._______ _______________________________________________________________________ Did that joint on my 40 th birthday. Against all odds. The thing that should not be. Family and friends once thought I’d be dead or locked away-RIGHTFULLY SO. Never could have done this when I was age 18. Heard so many times that I was too old. Sp

“Charles…He’s dead.”  That was the thirteenth phone call that woke me up. My sister was crying. “Is this some kind of sick joke?” Minutes later, two other mutual friends called confirming. Got about three hours of sleep before going to work. My eyes were blood shot. It was very challenging to hold back the tears. Vance demanded that I talk to the assistant principal. Tears formed in her eyes as I explained. Mingus was very supportive. They offered to give me money for the trip.                         …missing information… After the funeral, a group of us met at the Irish Coast bar. My sleep deprivation, chain smoking, and enough coffee to kill a small animal had me thinking that Charles was with me. I walked on their stage, “One day, Imma’ play my guitar here.”  The Irish Coast Pub The day of the funeral the weather was around 70. 2 am, the Witching Hour, came. That’s when hell froze over. I was supposed to fly back to Arizona t he following day. I could not because

On Tuesday afternoon I went to the coffee shop, Emmanuel’s, “Scott moved the open mic?” “Where to?” “I think Cuppers.” Why didn’t Scott tell me? He didn’t tell me because he doesn’t want me to play. He was tired of getting complaints about how much I sucked. And on and on…I beat myself up. Well, I shouldn’t quit. “No you’re not!” I turned the car around in my driveway and headed up to Cuppers. “You know you’ll feel better if you do. You never know where that one is.” That one is the person, who tells their friends about me. Which inevitably leads to me making enough dollars to live off of my creative works. We all got money. We just gotta’ go find it. The only thing separating me from my dreams is a bunch of zeroes (6 figure salary). I was so psyched up listening to Twisted Sister’s “ The Price.” Went inside Cuppers. He wasn’t there. One of the workers told me, “…two weeks.” When I get psyched up like that I gotta’ do something. Call it Creative Arousal. So I wrote more on

Next day at work I was talking to my supervisor. Really connected with her for the first time by mentioning Greg Brown. At times she seemed very stand offish. In retrospect, I have admiration for her as opposed to the resentments I once had for her. She was very detailed. Seemed very aggressive and combative when she addressed me. She had every reason to be because, “The schools that send girls to us are spending at least $10,000. per student. I couldn’t shake the depression side of my bi-polar. Telling myself, “They felt sorry for me in Clarksdale . That’s why they kept me hired. No one wants me.” My attention span was rapidly  deteriorating . Couldn’t seem to focus. Was so tired much of the time. Kept writing Going Educational and the open mics kept me distracted. NA and AA kept me clean and sober. In the back, making its way to the front, of my mind was, “John when you going to LA?” Missed home dreadfully. Made a decision and started working slowly toward getting a job in M

Through step work I came to great theophanies and revelations. For example, many times my emotional/spiritual balance is influenced by my bi-polar. When I am in depression, the imbalance of chemicals in my brain cause me to be sad. I look for reasons in my world that are extremely melancoloy, “That person doesn’t like me because they didn’t talk to me. ” When I am in my mania, the imbalance of my brain chemicals make euphorically jotfull, “I heard a song on the radio that told me today was my day. The radio station was 75.1. At 7:51 pm I got a call about a new job. The gods have me in their favor. The world is mine.” Obviously, both states can lead to psychosis. My head meds keep me well. link on biploar AA quote people, places, and situations control us AA "HOW IT WORKS." We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. link Around October, I started getting severe PTSD. The girls were donning Halloween mask and face paint. My mind went back to doing a

On September 23, 2013 I loaded up my Toyota Yaris and set out West. Went through NuWalleans ( New Orleans ) and purchased Phil Anselmo’s album Phil Anselmo and The Illegals : lotta Pantera, Down, Danzig , etc; I got to Antelope Hills Hotel on September 25. Was working out with Insanity Abs and P90Ab ripper X along the way as well. Before I had left I had dinner with Charles and his family. Charles and his family has a very significant part of who I am. We been friends since 1981. I remember I was a very clumsy and gullible as a child. Many times I felt inferior. Two years older than him and most of my childhood friends; yet I always felt two years younger. Charles used to ruff house house with me. Him, my father, and that girl who broke my heart in elementary school influenced me to workout with weights. Thus, came a point when I started throwing him around. We did so many things together-read comics, made forts, went to the river, and partied together. When he started playing g

Summer 2013 When I left Clarksdale I thought I would be able to get a job teaching in my home town easily. I was not able to. Therefore, I went to Arizona.  In hind sight it was a blessing to face my shadow demon. _____________________________________________________________________________________________ At one of my first interviews, a particular principal thought greatly of my step father. He told me he was ninety percent sure I’d be hired. Had about ten interviews along the Gulf Coast and New Orleans . Spent about an hour a day on the web filling out applications and sending e-mails. My new sponsor; I always choose one close to where I live, kept me straight. Told me that one time he spent two hours a day searching for jobs, “Searching for a job is your job now.” In late July, I started  getting nervous. I had gotten no calls. Then I got a call from Bay St. Louis. All seemed to be going well at the interview until they asked me about my first principal. The principa