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Showing posts from February, 2017

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem: Oh Woman) (c) 1997, 2017

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                                                                Aug 1, 1997 2:30 am All this boy needs is a Woman     to hold him and understand. Cold words can be shield to a heart that's been bruised and overused. Know nothing of love woman Know nothing of happiness Woman, do you have the patience? Always missed a brighter tomorrow living in the shadow of what could have been.                                                                                                                              Now and Then I remember you. Oh woman              can it be Will you love me for who I am? I am _____________. Too tired to give a damn.           oh woman Will love ever be true? Was it ever there in the days I knew Struggling? Think of me what you will. Time kills life and pain. I see to be free. Is that a smirk on your face? so many blockades PREVENT my soul shining still I'm always smiling to the end "DO YOU REMEMBER ME?" Oh Woman- -hone

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (Asking a fortune teller about Love part 2 HURRICANE KATRINA TIE IN ) based on true events (c) 1997, 2017

"Those on the other side, who have what you call died, have a different sense of time. To them a few seconds is a few years. They ,of the other side, tell and show us things, we want to know now, years later. Some call this 'Dead Time.' Others call this 'God Time.'" Wall Fly Can You Tell Me Why We All Die Tell Me Secrets I want to know. Tell me where I should go when she whispers. You go passed (past me). No You'll Never Catch Me. Here in an eye blink; then gone like a setting sun at dawn. __________________________________________________ During Hurricane Katrina there was darkness at dawn. I look, at this drunken written, poem I wrote September 9, 1997 and remember the flies that came in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I also wondered if the dead I had angered years before hand were seeking retribution. Years earlier the fortune teller told me "God is love. God is time." Then she pulled out three tarot cards: The Lover

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (Asking a fortune teller about Love part 2 US Army tie in) based on true events (c) 1997, 2017

"Those on the other side, who have what you call died, have a different sense of time. To them a few seconds is a few years. They ,of the other side, tell and show us things, we want to know now, years later. Some call this 'Dead Time.' Others call this 'God Time.'" ______________________________________________________ Wall Fly                                September 9, 1997 (c) 1997, 2017 Wall Fly Can You Tell Me Why We All Die Tell Me Secrets I want to know. Tell me where I should go when she whispers. You go passed (past me). No You'll Never Catch Me. Here in an eye blink; then gone like a setting sun at dawn. __________________________________________________ I read the poem Wall Fly  now and remember my first cadaver I saw. I was in the US Army 1999. He killed himself because his girl left him. He had what looked like black rice on decomposed body. The mortician told us that it was dead maggots. They had literally eaten themselves to

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (Asking a fortune teller about Love "love has no man made time line." part 1) based on true events (c) 2017

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"Those on the other side, who have what you call died, have a different sense of time. To them a few seconds is a few years. They ,of the other side, tell and show us things, we want to know now, years later. Some call this 'Dead Time.' Others call this 'God Time.'" "I wanted to know how I could get her back quickly."-that's what I told myself. I saw a fortune teller on the square by the park in New Orleans.  I got desperate for answers. Figured the Christian God would not give me what I wanted. Or was it because majick had such an exiting allure? Yea, it was probably the allure. The excitement of feeling something instantly. She was old. She wore a strange hood and robe. What attracted me to her, rather than the others, was the thought that she could be some sort of entity to advise me on what should do. Such entities from the other side certainly know more than the living. From across the table I slid her a twenty dollar bill. "You&#

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem Without You) (c) 1997, 2017

Walking Without      February 7, 1997 (c) 1997, 2017 /Walking without/ Chills to the bone and the skies are like faces without eyes. It took too long to realize: one thought here                                            one dream near if I could only see                                    clear. Then would it all disappear. "On days like this I remember holding onto you like there would be no tomorrow." /Talking without/ /words fading/ /darkness/ only heard/ "When?" "Too late then."                But "It will pass."

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send ( It's easier remembering how it wasn't than remembering how it was) (c) 2017

(c) 2017 ___________________________________________ Dear Lovc, It's easier remembering how it wasn't than remembering how it was. No cigarettes, alcohol, drugs; no buzz can change that past.  Their life has moved on while I remained trapped in my own prison of living in lies. Gave up on God because I had too many unanswered prayers. I went to other sources. Built what I thought were protective layers. In vain attempts I was trying to make the lies true. That gave enough room to let that devil in.                                                                                                                Sincerely yours (I hope) P.S. It is my hope that all broken hearts be freed :) ______________________________________________________________________________ It's easier remembering how it wasn't than remembering how it was. In telling others how awful you treated me and how good I treated you I can have others feel pity for me. I believe inevitably,

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem: Stopped running but the hell I created kept going) (based on actual events) (c) 2017

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connected to  100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem: Only So Long A Woman Will Wait (c) 1998, 2017) (explicit graphics) click here to read "Only so long a woman will wait"   I t was seven years and seven days later... I returned to the coast after so many years of being away. After a few months a storm came bearing your name. August 31, 2005: One day I stopped running but the hell I created kept going . Like looking in the mirror and not knowing what's looking back. Time is lost in the gaps of memories; all the missing you's, all the missing me's. click here to view spoken word performance of this work "One day I stopped running but the hell I created kept going..."   "Baby please." They told me to leave when the storm comes I'd get killed. I stayed couldn't resist to call her one more time and tell her how I feel. The winds knocked down power lines electricity sparked laughter. To call her up; what

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem: Only So Long A Woman Will Wait (c) 1998, 2017) (explicit graphics)

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There's a period in loving relationships when all you have is desperation. Desperation to see your ex. This is my story of waiting for her to come back. I needlessly prolonged such painful waiting through alcohol and drug abuse. Through these vices I might have crossed over.  Thank the Loh'Rd I am better now then I was then. In that time period I kept everything writings, music, artwork, photos.                       Only So Long A Woman Will Wait -August 23, 1998 "Are you aware that such things are blasphemy. Time and Space-Looking into a face not there is the same as stumbling... into a hole in the skies. The soul can be seen through the eyes. In your sighs, faded marching corrosion of the fabric that separates worlds. The innate entity." Feeling empty! Zero with a big "o" when words, worlds collide we get trapped inside as love grows into hate, hate grows with love "Only so long a woman will wait." A town turns its stomach, Z

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem "Love songs are the worse" (c) 1998, 2017

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There's a period in loving relationships when all you have is desperation. Desperation to see your soon to be ex. This is my story of waiting for her to come back. I needlessly prolonged such painful waiting through alcohol and drug abuse. Thank the Loh'Rd I am better now then I was then. In that time period I kept everything writings, music, artwork, photos.                             Love songs are the worse    March 28, 1998 Other day, not too long ago I found that picture of you smiling with your hair streamed down the sides of your face. That memory dreamed itself away, down mine. (this is what happened when i watched a piece of myself die: small, black slippery shoes covered feet barely bracing your legs... F.T.W. tattooed on your ankle , "F.............The World. Only so long you Run from yourself  Run from others  Run to and away from your friends and family  Run far as you can  till you find yourself embracing the world...an it is not t

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (lyrics to last love songs I wrote) (c) 2017

Well I fell in love on a Christmas Day. Broken hearted by New Years Day. (c) 2017 It's okay. I got carried away. Guess some things just ain't meant to be. ...and pretty soon you won't be nothing but a memory. Damn you know I'm a terrible liar Well I've faced the rain I know It's time I gotta change and face the sun rays and see how beautiful life really is Well I fell in love on a Christmas Day. Broken hearted by New Years Day.                                      and then                                                    Martin Luther King day came                                                                   and I realized I have a dream to an that dream is much bigger than just you and me ___________________________________________________________________________ Hey bebe (c) 2017 Then I saw her walking down the street looking oh so pretty (doo wah ditty) and I said, "Hey bebe you been running through my mind all day you gotta

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (So that all broken hearts maybe freed an alpha and omega sort of...) (C) 2017

...I got behind that microphone, "She ain't here." Pulled my glasses down slightly, "Or is she?" The ugliness in you is the ugliness in me. With all those words you wasted. You know what I mean. The things you say and do that you can't take back. ...and all the beauty we choose to forget and remember at seemingly the most inappropriate times. Our fates intertwined by wants and needs. With these words breathed. Life's Overwhelming Vicious Emotions. With these words I breathe LOVE. Life's Our Victorious Events. Wasn't all we thought it would be. It was more than that. I do this So That All Broken Hearts Maybe Freed. The ugliness in you that is the ugliness in me is the soil to plant this seed. I love you. Are our fates intertwined by wants and needs. We say it's over... __________________________________ ...I got behind that microphone, "She ain't here." Pulled my glasses down slightly, "Or is she?" said

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (Harley Quinn song lyrics "short version") spoken word performance included... (C) 2017

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                                              click here for spoken word performance of Harley Quinn

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem...and all those eyes that show our­­­ fears. ) (c) 1998. 2017

…and… Someone sent a love. During the day-she sleeps in the rain. OH ALL THE PAIN wondering if she thinks of me. -Faghlling of tears… and all those eyes that show our­­­ fears. 12/23/1998 All those days I was so confused. I think of it now and become amused, ”How scared I was to let you down; to hurt you.” That place we found here an we made a pact                                                                             May we be in love Forever we held each others hands so we could show each other the way It was Blinding Rage My logic for finding ways to do anything to test you to see if you try to make you go away. If you stay, you love me Please don’t go I don’t want to lose You I Love You

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (Now Love Songs Ain’t No Friend of mine... part III) (c) 1998, 2017

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I said, “You Got Me.” “Sigh. Naw the truth is I did this to myself.” It’s a beautiful thang to be in love with someone. Not so much when you realize that you fell in love all by yourself.                                                               Ain’t no fun. In tennis love means zero     Damn I guess it’s back to where I started from. I’m sorry I fell in love with you when I didn’t know what love was… Well I thank you LohRd that it is over with. Can’t believe it took me that long to get that un’ behind me. All the ‘what did I do’ wrongs ‘all the sneaky plans’ have passed. I can even laugh at being pathetic and lonely again.

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (i sure did listen to, sigh, "...and still listen to," some terrible music when I'm in...) (c) 1997, 2017

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1997: I kept everything while waiting on you to come back. All the crazy poems, letters, stories, and the music I created. NOW looking back two decades later I revisit it because I want to know how to be a better man... My friends who still stayed around while I stayed in heartbreak, prolonged by alcohol and drug abuse, would try to encourage me. They brought me kids keyboards and taught me basic songs that I demanded to know. ...so I'd play songs like "Freebird" and "Every Rose Has its Thorn" over and over again. I'd cry as I sang with the verses, " If I leave here tomorrow  Would you still remember me  If I stay here with you girl Things just couldn't be the same 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now And this bird you cannot change..."  click here to hear FREEBIRD if you dare ".We both lie silently still In the dead of the night Although we both lie close together We feel miles apart inside Was it something I said or somet

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem: Interjection (c) 1997, 2017

Interjection   Thursday 7-24-1997 1:30 am Thought Commercial: I'm gasping Deep down, dim and darkly laughing getting so hard to breath- (Chords GGDDGDG) Pattern: Breathe I ease into simpler dreams of that disease of my Eve. For I loss my faith in love. Someone must know what I am speaking of? That sweet vixen you might meet who shows you a LOVE WITH A BEGINNING TO END, AND AN ENDING TO BEGIN ALL OVER AGAIN. I am sighing trying dying to regain my breath because it's sooooohh hard to start over when YOU THINK NOTHING IS LEFT. MAKE YOU WANNA BREAK DOWN! BREAK IT DOWN... 3:45 am

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem "Drag part I" (c) 1997, 2017

                                                  Drag pt I written August 30, 1997 10:24pm               Tear stained love letters. Leaving you was supposed to make my life better. I have to, some how, keep on rolling like a stone when I'm alone in the middle of that memory.                                                                    The hunger                               starving to be held. Trying to replace peace with piece.

...it started as 3. Now it appears it might be one (my plans currently in writing on this blog) (c) 2017

First and For most I Love you all and thank you for your support. At the end of 2016, I was inspired to do three different projects through this blog. One is an open mic journal. In this journal, They Call Me Holmes , click here to read from They Call Me Holmes I tell what inspired me to write, stories behind the lyrics, stories about places I performed, and the philosophies involved. Two is a spiritual, self-help, philosophy work, The Book of Am. click here to read from The Book Of Am   I explore the things we do and the things we think as it correlates with our relationships with ourselves and others. Three , 100 Love Letters I'll Never Send is about my thoughts of romantic relationships (Eros). This is something I have been wanting to write for over a decade. This contains (thus far)  poems and stories I wrote in the mid and late 1990's when I was going through my first break up. As well as current thoughts, feelings, and emotions of Eros. My hope is I will help oth

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (Nothing Romantic to Say) (C) 1998, 2017

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                 "Sometimes you have to take a step back to take a bigger step forward."            At the bottom, of that Haunted Highway 49, I look at where I used to live. It was        1997-1998, I was killing myself with drug use and alcoholism.  I kept everything from                                        back then. This is one of many tales from that time. ...and a cat started visiting me everyday. How dare that cat interrupt my sadness! In a short while I thought that perhaps that cat was somehow, something like, a protective angel. Sometimes I thought that the cat had you in him. One of my fondest memories of you was when our pet cat actually came into the water at the beach when you called her. One day during my drunken wisdom, of trying to figure it all out, I thought of something astounding. Men are like dogs. They are too stupid for their own good. Women are like cats. They are too smart for their own good. You never see cats trying to hump anything

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (poem "Lovely Amused" (C) 1997, 2017)

originally wrote on  February 7, 1997 Lovely Amused Kiss me after words. With a rhythm hold me and tell me that I've been forgiven... Your eyes  inscrolled  like a poet prophesied, "Once My Life Was Merely Written." Your mind so forbidden. If words are the key. What will it take for you to open your heart to me.