The Byrne Notes LII (Missing Mississippi?) © 2015

Through step work I came to great theophanies and revelations. For example, many times my emotional/spiritual balance is influenced by my bi-polar. When I am in depression, the imbalance of chemicals in my brain cause me to be sad. I look for reasons in my world that are extremely melancoloy, “That person doesn’t like me because they didn’t talk to me.” When I am in my mania, the imbalance of my brain chemicals make euphorically jotfull, “I heard a song on the radio that told me today was my day. The radio station was 75.1. At 7:51 pm I got a call about a new job. The gods have me in their favor. The world is mine.” Obviously, both states can lead to psychosis. My head meds keep me well. link on biploar

AA quote people, places, and situations control us AA "HOW IT WORKS." We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. link

Around October, I started getting severe PTSD. The girls were donning Halloween mask and face paint. My mind went back to doing assisting autopsies and picking up the dead. Felt like those morose things happened yesterday. I could’ve been locked away on another psycho holliday. One of my fears of leaving Clarksdale, “How will I get my crazy pills? What if my mind goes bad again?”

It did take many weeks to see the shrink. Fortunately, I was able to get my pills from the VA emergency room.

I was able to see a counselor at the Vet center in Prescott. Saw him every two weeks. My superiors at work were very supportive of me getting help, “What if they find out I’m crazy?” Another worry of mine leaving Clarksdale.

In my seemingly unstoppable depression I started missing Mississippi. Started missing my friends and family. Figured I was making more money in Mississippi and had more vacation days. Major advantage of Mingus was the behaviors of the students.

“Why do I have such a hard time?”

“I can totally relate,” Charles replied. We continued talking once or twice a week. Always felt good to talk to him. Made me feel better. Through talking with him, working with a new sponsor, praying, and working steps, I came up with a solution, “Can I play on your stage?”

“Coming to the stage now is Holmes.” In Emmanuel’s Coffee Shop (link) I did “I Can Hear The Church Bells On Second Street.” That was my best performance in Clarksdale. Link

I invited my assistant to jam wityh me. He declined.

Bout a month earlier he insisted to hang with him. It was on a day when my mind went bad. Tried to catch up with his Heavy Metal shredding he played on his Zack Wilde style guitar. Took those riffs and created, “On The Streets Surrounded By Voodoo.” Link He told me about this dude named Scott being a phenomenal guitar player.

Scott was the open mic host. Was sure to upload the performance on youtube. Sent it to Charles to get his nonbiased feedback. Tried to put my guitar in an Open G-got it dreadfully outta’ tune.

“You know every time I try to rocket my guitar’s out of tune.”

Haven’t had an epic performance since Clarksdale. Yet. I was proud of myself for getting up there and pursuing my dreams.

Scott kindly offered to take my guitar and do some maintenance.

I say very often I stay clean and sober through having my Recovery being more than my using. You gotta’ do thangs’ you wanted to do when you were getting wasted, that are good for you. My third sponsor used to say, “That was a grade A industrial strength meeting…I’ll stay sober a month off of that meeting.” I adopted from that, “My AA Insurrance Policy-things I do buy me more time.”

Through talking to co-workers and doing research I went out and saw many kewl sites in Arizona. Started taking weekend trips to Sedona. Really enjoyed scaling the mountains. Once Roger and I found the vortexes. We knew by the strange ringing in our ears.

Roger went with me on that next jam. Scott only charged me $25.00 to get my guitar playing like it never had before. Did the song, “Nothing Romantic To Say.” Wrote the lyrics years ago when I was in that band that never left the trailer park-DEAD LOSERS. Charles had shown me the chord progression of Am and C. I ended the jam on one of the first didi’s I wrote out of the C chord.

“Made a phone call to her the other day. But I didn’t have anything romantic to say.” Link

“You really knocked it out of the ball park with that one,” Roger told me. A guy in the audience told me I sounded like Greg Brown. Link who is Greg Brown?