100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (synapses So that all broken hearts can be freed) © 2017

On this path of the broken hearted. I have seen good men and women give away all they have for “love or Something Mistaken as love.” They give up there dreams, they give up themselves. I’ve seen man, woman, child, drink and drug once they get what they mistaken as love. They get their heart broken again and again. They dismiss the lessons they’ve learned by generalizations of being victimized, with out ever learning how they themselves could be better people. I have used these generalizations my self. Oh the poisons I have let fill up voids inside. These generalization are really  negative incantations that summon the darkest parts of ourselves. “She was bad to me.” “I gave all I had and it still wasn’t enough,” etcetera etcetera. Fill in examples as you wish. We teach our lovers how to treat us. It was me so desperate to not be alone that enabled her, it became so sick I had to pretend like everything was okay as I emotionally blackmailed her,  examples like “Look at what I’ve done what can you do for me,” to gain a vain control.

Then in the meantime, as I watched others have someone. I took pride in being able to stand on my own. Never daring to break this angst of being…being alone…

Are  more logical things telling me to take action rather than think about it?
“I’ve made us into something that never was. Never could be.”

Then once I get what might be something beautiful I feel the pain of the past. Pain that seems almost subconscious. I have a lot to learn, I can’t dance with myself.

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