100 Love Letters I'll never send "Should I be freaked out?" (C) 2017

For maximum effect listen to this Rollins band track " spilling over the side" click here to listen while you read this.

Well damn! Too late to turn back now. I realize the mistake I made no. Probably came on too strong. Yes, indeed less is more. Wrote her the ultimate prose. Days later I'm spacing myself from her. I know I let my emotions override my logics E/I. That email can't be erased.
I also realize other mistakes. Asked her to let me know if I was freaking her out.-That probably had her thinking, "Should I be freaked out?" Also it showed my lack of confidence. I can't say, "I am sorry if I came on too strong," or "I'm sorry if I freaked you out,"-once again this shows me being unconfident and has her questioning again, "Should I be freaked out?"

Where do I go from here? Have no time for self-pity, in the meanwhiles in between life being good and bad, or isolation.
...and I damn sure can't wait for my phone to ring while I psychoanalyze my life. Waiting for someone to save me...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"The Coin" part 1 from "Inside your shadow." (C) 2025

  There’s a river that passes through hell. To get across that river one must pay the ferryman (Charon). One of the items, energies set free was from an AA coin. When one leaves the Earth he/she must pay the Charon a coin. In other worlds (God’s Time is different from manmade time). The energies of the chip went to a father’s wake. He remembered a few years ago, hearing his father talk to his stepmom, “I just don’t understand why he came to Thanksgiving high out of his mind again. I’ve done everything I could do to help him.” The son remembered being drunk and high when he called his father on the telephone, “It’s your fault that I don’t have anything. It’s your fault my girlfriends leave me. It’s your fault because you treated mom so bad. It doesn’t matter how much money you have. You failed at life. That new wife you got will leave you too. How dare you treat your wife’s kids better than you treat me.” He called his father a lot with those type of sentiments. But this tim...
Read more

The Notes Byrne XXX (Sugar kisses, alcoholism and vampires ) © 2015

 Then I met this gay dude outside of an NA meeting. Chose him as a sponsor. He let me know he was gay immediately. He was a pianist on contract with the department of defense. He was a government contracted pianist. Had seven years of ‘clean time.’ His rock bottom was getting shot seven times when he was dealing drugs. Called him, family members and friends (including David’s mother) every night. When I graduated from ARD I heard my peers were not spared from the counselors calling them out. I remember all the patients, who had commenced, giving their academy awards speech. Thanking everyone who helped them in rehab. The Army Ranger colorfully compared his recovery to ranger missions. I was angry that my platoon sergeant wasn't there to hear my academy award speech. Therefore, I didn't give an academy award speech. Merely told them that I was going to use the tools from the spiritual toolbox that they had given me. Kept that chip from commencement for years in my ...
Read more

Notes that Byrne XXXI (Don't make any major decisions) © 2015

“Hey lover, are you naked?” is how the conversation started. Then came all the nasty things she was going to do to me. When she asked about my skin stick size, I told her there’s only one way to figure out, she hung up the phone. That’s a wake up call I’ll never forget. I got up, checked out of the Fort Lee hotel, and hit I-95 toward  Gulfport . Took 12 hours to get home driving non stop. They told me not to make any major decisions in that first year. This was impossible for me because, in six months, I had to make a decision to either discharge, or reenlist. I decided to go into ROTC. Totally ego driven it was. Figured I’d come back to the 54 th and run thangs’. Thus I started planning. Used two note books to write my plans, positive affirmations, contacts, and study work for the Praxis teacher’s exam. I had left USM (University of Southern Mississippi) on academic probation in 1998. Therefore, I had to get accepted under academic probation. I decided to continue to go ...
Read more