How to control your mind when you are Crazy: Inipiration from being by being Locked away in the psyche ward during Halloween (c)2013-2015
This scene was inspired by being locked away in a psyche ward during Halloween and watching horror movies in the entertainment room. The staff kept the channels deleted by a setting on the remote. I kept on resetting the remote and continued watching horror movies. Wondering in amusement how this would affect me and my peers.
excerpt from Fictional Memoir "0"
1974 March 24:
After months of tears, about one year of praying for God to free him, and a thousand pleas, he came to the realization and closer to accepting the fact that he’d be in this Psyche Ward for a long time. Perhaps forever.
At first he’d get the letters and visits from his friends and family. But about a few months is how long that lasted. Then he heard from no one.
The doctors knew exactly how to make him do right through their funny spelled medication. If he seemed too sad they’d give him happy pills. If he was being violent they’d give him meds or injections that would turn him instantly into drooling, having lazy eyes, slurring speech, and staggered walk. They seemed very fond of putting him in a dark room and observing his reactions.
Yea, he’d watch em’ come and go. They only had temporary lapses of sanity-after two to three weeks they’d get right on their meds and go home.
He couldn’t remember the first time that he heard “Man was created in God’s image.”-surely this statement did not apply to him.
With
months of tears, about one year of praying for God to free him, and a thousand pleas, he became able to command his conscious and subconscious will.
His personal practice of his will led him to prove to himself that he was created in God’s Image.
After one of the thousands of times of being forced to go to a group therapy session of how drugs destroy lives something said finally flipped the lights witch (light switch) on in his brain. The topic was involving the way synaptic (electrical impulses) worked in the brain. He thought of lightning as being a synapses going on in the “Mind of God.” The clouds, “HIS BRAIN TISSUE?”
September 23 2010 2:09:23
I dare not turn around to see whose hand is on my shoulder. Because I know that whatever or whomever it is will trespass through my windows (eyes). I’ve gone too far. Should have spent more time among the living. Not the DEAD. Should be in slumber. Among THE LIVING. NOT AWAKE AMONG…
August 31, 1973
On the way to his Mental Competency Hearing he had the opportunity to look out of a window and see the Cold Fall Front collide with the Waned Summer. A sun ray between the two struck his forehead penetrating his frontal lobe to his optical chasm and traveled through his longitudinal fissure to his corpus callosum, and ending at his pineal gland (forever embedding into his subconscious).
September 23, 2010 2:04 am
….will not regret the past…
August 31, 1973-
Thus began him to realistically link himself to God.
September 23, 2010
2:07 am Why you? How dare you to ask. You don’t see anyone else in this graveyard during the Witching Hour.
October 30-31 1974
On these days he hypothesized himself in that pitch black room. Here, he could better understand how to manipulate his sleep/wake cycles (pineal gland) with altered dimensional travel. Therefore, he would act out against peer patients. In a windowless black room they’d have him in a straight jacket doped up. Learning to keep himself in control was like being trapped in a maze. It was pertinent that, before he felt the effects of thorazine, he had to willfully place his human will in a safe place.
September 23, 2010 2:09 am
I try to argue “But God never caused harm to anyone. Therefore, it’s not right to harm others.” A voice screams its contempt in the wind.
1968:
He had been studying the brain enough to hypothetically know that he had to take glucose to keep control of his own will. It took thirty minutes for the three packs of pancake syrup and 2 cups of coffee to work.
Spirits went across the valleys-As I feel myself getting pulled in between two very different worlds that only exists…
through dualities.
1968:
The shot of thorazine forced him to be incoherent (he felt it)-he knew he had something more powerful than the shot in his subconscious mind-he did what he could do to send his will to Perennial Gland-travels through corpus callus.
Unknown:
He realized that he had to control his brain by using his own will power. He trained by consciously focusing on different objects in his surroundings (his peers, pictures in the encyclopedia, scenes in books and t.v.). He would ask himself how he felt about all things. These games made it possible for him to control his blood flow. Specifically, draw it to his frontal lobe.
They’d come and go so much it made him depressed. There was such a high turn over rate of his friends. They’d come in here because they had destroyed themselves by changing their minds into their own worst weapons. As they got more healthy they’d share their most deepest secrets in the group therapy sessions of ultimate bonding “I Love You Man” talk. Usually took about a month for them to become sane enough to rejoin society. They were telling him the truth (when they told him) “I’ll never forget you” “I’ll be in touch.”
No, he could not have been made in God’s image.
During an Arts and Crafts session he was fighting his tears so much that his vision became blurred.
He could not stop that single tear drop that landed on the word “emotions.” He was studying the human brain (frontal lobe) from the World Book Encyclopedia.
September 23, 2010 2:04 am
This is brighter than anything I ever gazed at the moon. I feel the light ray consuming every part of me. The Halo of Jesus (the moon seems as if it’s coming down to cut the Earth in half). It’s not like what they say when walking toward the light. I don’t have a choice once it consumes me. There is no logical pattern I can compare it to. I become the light.
__
1999: “Emotions controlled by the Frontal Lobe.” He read. He couldn’t focus because he allowed his emotions “ANGER” to control him. “I HATE ALL OF YOU!” he exclaimed as he threw the book across the room. Started swinging his arms like a windmill. Took about a minute and a half for the orderlies to come and give him the thorazine.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
“It ain’t like the Bible all the time-wasn’t like the prodigal son returning. Something remained on me from rolling in the filth-THE FILTH STAINED ME. KEPT ME. STAINED-
-GLASS WINDOW.
The only window of the hospital’s crazy ward was in its smoke room. That window had bars on it. The window was stained from decades of smoke and moisture that left an odd looking stain that if looked at in a certain way it resembled an Angel with wings open.
Yea he had been here.
According to his file he was the reason they built walls where the windows once were. He had mastered his brain functions and he would feel things. Maybe his insanity was caused by convincing himself he controlled synchronicity; rather than the reality that synchronicity is of…
Patty had been raped as a little girl. Twenty years after she became a stripper. Five years after that she was selling her body for cocaine. She had a permanent ball shaped stomach, missing front teeth, a crooked nose, and grotesquely uneven breast. She cried during every group session.
Ken talked to attackers who weren’t there because he had taken a bad hit of acid.
Brady was missing almost half his face after he still lived from his twelve gauge
suicide attempt. He is constantly reciting Biblical scriptures.
Diana Pasely had to have her meds adjusted every few months. Diana Pasely dementia caused her to wonder up and down the streets calling herself “Mary”.
On their way to drug education class he whispered in her ear “Oh Mary. Mare eeeee.”
“Yes.”
“Look out that window. Do you see the angels around the sun?”
“Oh yes.”
“Do you accept me as your Jesus? I did show you my angels.”
“Yes.”
“Good. There are some things I need you to do for me.”
At 6:45 pm they were congregated in the entertainment room watching television and waiting for the 7 pm Therapy Session. Patty was watching Sesame Street with an ear to ear grin. During the commercial she went to the bathroom. He knew that the beginning to the movie “Death Wish” was on. The beginning of the movie has a harsh rape scene.
“Mare reee OH Mary.”
“Yes, my Jesus.”
“Turn the channel to 31.”
“He who followeth.” Brady proclaimed like the break room was his personal pulpit.
When Patty returned from the bathroom he stared into her eyes, “All that you see is all your life will ever be.”
returned to the break room the woman on television begging the thugs not to rape her. “Welcome home Patty.” She couldn’t look away. Her weeks of therapy were destroyed in seconds.
He knew what pharmaceuticals would cause his peers to hallucinate and be most prone to hypnotic suggestion.
…missing text…
He waited till ten to two a.m. Made sure the shift worker was in a deep sleep. The shift worker was even in a deeper sleep when drugged with a tranquilizer.
“Oh Mary. Mare eee, your jesus calls for you.” He woke her up through the loud speaker directly only to her room.
“Yes my jesus.”
“Go into Patty’s room. Bring her to the big window.”
Speaker to Brady’s room: “jesus calls for you. jesus calls for you. jesus calls for you. Be brave. Meet the demons at the big window.”
Made his way to Ken’s room before he awoke. He had a syringe filled with lighter fluid and scribed “666” on the 7 foot ceiling. Set it a blaze. Shook him awake “JESUS NEEDS YOU IN HIS ARMY!” Then through the Speaker: “Wake up. THEY’RE ALL COMING TO GET YOU!”
“What? Ain’t nobody comin’ to git’ me!”
“Come on. FOLLOW ME.”
The clouds quickly passing in front of the full moon shined through the window.
Ken charged toward his peers. Wrapped his arms around Patty and they crashed through the window.
“Mare eeee’, you see the hands of Jesus. It is the clouds. It is time for you to go home.”
She stepped out of the broken window.
“Yes.” Her voice echoed as she fell hundreds of feet.
Morning:
He sat by the broken window in a fetal position crying. The head doctor was there with many others.
May 2002: Lit our cigarettes from a pinky ring shaped hole. The staff had the cheapest cigarettes. It was better than not having any. Yea, to have a handful of crazies fiending for cigarettes is not a good thing. Those cigarettes tasted like licking cardboard. And we all, 12 of us, crazies were in a stained clear plastic vault of smoke that was about as big as your average bathroom. Yea, desperation ain’t no pretty thang.’
September 23, 2010 2:03 am Knowing that there is someone watching you. But you dare not look behind you. You can’t resist the temptation, so you look anyway…
And of course, nothing is there. Not even a b-rated horror movie attacker.
“FINISH THIS FOR NOW.”
i dare not look behind…
Early March 2008: Naw-rehab wasn’t the pretty allure that I saw on Tell Me Vision commercials (television). With its yoga sessions, full course meals, gyms, and Jacuzzis. The first stop detox was a county jail holding cell. A rubber mat to sleep on. A urine stained toilet attached to a sink and a drainage hole in the middle of the floor. It only took four hours of me being there for me to decide that ‘I don’t hate my life as I much as I thought.’
Then the “I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.” Followed with the whole police department laughing and mocking me.
Studied the dead bolt door-silencing the chaos inside my mind I think of different ways to open the locks and bust down the door. Had the chills while my old head meds were leaving my system. Felt it start at my spine, then travel to my shoulder blades and ending at the back of my neck.
Every event triggered by the senses. Senses I’m likely to distort when I am far beyond fatigue-more prone to flash backs. There were certain events I made sure to remember in hopes of not repeating the same mistakes.
September 23, 2010 2:13 am:
I remember it well when that terrible room that imprisoned me inside my mind manifested into a small cell. It’s a place I can’t go back to.
excerpt from "0" purchase here Please :)
excerpt from Fictional Memoir "0"
1974 March 24:
After months of tears, about one year of praying for God to free him, and a thousand pleas, he came to the realization and closer to accepting the fact that he’d be in this Psyche Ward for a long time. Perhaps forever.
At first he’d get the letters and visits from his friends and family. But about a few months is how long that lasted. Then he heard from no one.
The doctors knew exactly how to make him do right through their funny spelled medication. If he seemed too sad they’d give him happy pills. If he was being violent they’d give him meds or injections that would turn him instantly into drooling, having lazy eyes, slurring speech, and staggered walk. They seemed very fond of putting him in a dark room and observing his reactions.
Yea, he’d watch em’ come and go. They only had temporary lapses of sanity-after two to three weeks they’d get right on their meds and go home.
He couldn’t remember the first time that he heard “Man was created in God’s image.”-surely this statement did not apply to him.
With
months of tears, about one year of praying for God to free him, and a thousand pleas, he became able to command his conscious and subconscious will.
His personal practice of his will led him to prove to himself that he was created in God’s Image.
After one of the thousands of times of being forced to go to a group therapy session of how drugs destroy lives something said finally flipped the lights witch (light switch) on in his brain. The topic was involving the way synaptic (electrical impulses) worked in the brain. He thought of lightning as being a synapses going on in the “Mind of God.” The clouds, “HIS BRAIN TISSUE?”
September 23 2010 2:09:23
I dare not turn around to see whose hand is on my shoulder. Because I know that whatever or whomever it is will trespass through my windows (eyes). I’ve gone too far. Should have spent more time among the living. Not the DEAD. Should be in slumber. Among THE LIVING. NOT AWAKE AMONG…
August 31, 1973
On the way to his Mental Competency Hearing he had the opportunity to look out of a window and see the Cold Fall Front collide with the Waned Summer. A sun ray between the two struck his forehead penetrating his frontal lobe to his optical chasm and traveled through his longitudinal fissure to his corpus callosum, and ending at his pineal gland (forever embedding into his subconscious).
September 23, 2010 2:04 am
….will not regret the past…
August 31, 1973-
Thus began him to realistically link himself to God.
September 23, 2010
2:07 am Why you? How dare you to ask. You don’t see anyone else in this graveyard during the Witching Hour.
October 30-31 1974
On these days he hypothesized himself in that pitch black room. Here, he could better understand how to manipulate his sleep/wake cycles (pineal gland) with altered dimensional travel. Therefore, he would act out against peer patients. In a windowless black room they’d have him in a straight jacket doped up. Learning to keep himself in control was like being trapped in a maze. It was pertinent that, before he felt the effects of thorazine, he had to willfully place his human will in a safe place.
September 23, 2010 2:09 am
I try to argue “But God never caused harm to anyone. Therefore, it’s not right to harm others.” A voice screams its contempt in the wind.
1968:
He had been studying the brain enough to hypothetically know that he had to take glucose to keep control of his own will. It took thirty minutes for the three packs of pancake syrup and 2 cups of coffee to work.
Spirits went across the valleys-As I feel myself getting pulled in between two very different worlds that only exists…
through dualities.
1968:
The shot of thorazine forced him to be incoherent (he felt it)-he knew he had something more powerful than the shot in his subconscious mind-he did what he could do to send his will to Perennial Gland-travels through corpus callus.
Unknown:
He realized that he had to control his brain by using his own will power. He trained by consciously focusing on different objects in his surroundings (his peers, pictures in the encyclopedia, scenes in books and t.v.). He would ask himself how he felt about all things. These games made it possible for him to control his blood flow. Specifically, draw it to his frontal lobe.
They’d come and go so much it made him depressed. There was such a high turn over rate of his friends. They’d come in here because they had destroyed themselves by changing their minds into their own worst weapons. As they got more healthy they’d share their most deepest secrets in the group therapy sessions of ultimate bonding “I Love You Man” talk. Usually took about a month for them to become sane enough to rejoin society. They were telling him the truth (when they told him) “I’ll never forget you” “I’ll be in touch.”
No, he could not have been made in God’s image.
During an Arts and Crafts session he was fighting his tears so much that his vision became blurred.
He could not stop that single tear drop that landed on the word “emotions.” He was studying the human brain (frontal lobe) from the World Book Encyclopedia.
September 23, 2010 2:04 am
This is brighter than anything I ever gazed at the moon. I feel the light ray consuming every part of me. The Halo of Jesus (the moon seems as if it’s coming down to cut the Earth in half). It’s not like what they say when walking toward the light. I don’t have a choice once it consumes me. There is no logical pattern I can compare it to. I become the light.
__
1999: “Emotions controlled by the Frontal Lobe.” He read. He couldn’t focus because he allowed his emotions “ANGER” to control him. “I HATE ALL OF YOU!” he exclaimed as he threw the book across the room. Started swinging his arms like a windmill. Took about a minute and a half for the orderlies to come and give him the thorazine.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
“It ain’t like the Bible all the time-wasn’t like the prodigal son returning. Something remained on me from rolling in the filth-THE FILTH STAINED ME. KEPT ME. STAINED-
-GLASS WINDOW.
The only window of the hospital’s crazy ward was in its smoke room. That window had bars on it. The window was stained from decades of smoke and moisture that left an odd looking stain that if looked at in a certain way it resembled an Angel with wings open.
Yea he had been here.
According to his file he was the reason they built walls where the windows once were. He had mastered his brain functions and he would feel things. Maybe his insanity was caused by convincing himself he controlled synchronicity; rather than the reality that synchronicity is of…
Patty had been raped as a little girl. Twenty years after she became a stripper. Five years after that she was selling her body for cocaine. She had a permanent ball shaped stomach, missing front teeth, a crooked nose, and grotesquely uneven breast. She cried during every group session.
Ken talked to attackers who weren’t there because he had taken a bad hit of acid.
Brady was missing almost half his face after he still lived from his twelve gauge
suicide attempt. He is constantly reciting Biblical scriptures.
Diana Pasely had to have her meds adjusted every few months. Diana Pasely dementia caused her to wonder up and down the streets calling herself “Mary”.
On their way to drug education class he whispered in her ear “Oh Mary. Mare eeeee.”
“Yes.”
“Look out that window. Do you see the angels around the sun?”
“Oh yes.”
“Do you accept me as your Jesus? I did show you my angels.”
“Yes.”
“Good. There are some things I need you to do for me.”
At 6:45 pm they were congregated in the entertainment room watching television and waiting for the 7 pm Therapy Session. Patty was watching Sesame Street with an ear to ear grin. During the commercial she went to the bathroom. He knew that the beginning to the movie “Death Wish” was on. The beginning of the movie has a harsh rape scene.
“Mare reee OH Mary.”
“Yes, my Jesus.”
“Turn the channel to 31.”
“He who followeth.” Brady proclaimed like the break room was his personal pulpit.
When Patty returned from the bathroom he stared into her eyes, “All that you see is all your life will ever be.”
returned to the break room the woman on television begging the thugs not to rape her. “Welcome home Patty.” She couldn’t look away. Her weeks of therapy were destroyed in seconds.
He knew what pharmaceuticals would cause his peers to hallucinate and be most prone to hypnotic suggestion.
…missing text…
He waited till ten to two a.m. Made sure the shift worker was in a deep sleep. The shift worker was even in a deeper sleep when drugged with a tranquilizer.
“Oh Mary. Mare eee, your jesus calls for you.” He woke her up through the loud speaker directly only to her room.
“Yes my jesus.”
“Go into Patty’s room. Bring her to the big window.”
Speaker to Brady’s room: “jesus calls for you. jesus calls for you. jesus calls for you. Be brave. Meet the demons at the big window.”
Made his way to Ken’s room before he awoke. He had a syringe filled with lighter fluid and scribed “666” on the 7 foot ceiling. Set it a blaze. Shook him awake “JESUS NEEDS YOU IN HIS ARMY!” Then through the Speaker: “Wake up. THEY’RE ALL COMING TO GET YOU!”
“What? Ain’t nobody comin’ to git’ me!”
“Come on. FOLLOW ME.”
The clouds quickly passing in front of the full moon shined through the window.
Ken charged toward his peers. Wrapped his arms around Patty and they crashed through the window.
“Mare eeee’, you see the hands of Jesus. It is the clouds. It is time for you to go home.”
She stepped out of the broken window.
“Yes.” Her voice echoed as she fell hundreds of feet.
Morning:
He sat by the broken window in a fetal position crying. The head doctor was there with many others.
May 2002: Lit our cigarettes from a pinky ring shaped hole. The staff had the cheapest cigarettes. It was better than not having any. Yea, to have a handful of crazies fiending for cigarettes is not a good thing. Those cigarettes tasted like licking cardboard. And we all, 12 of us, crazies were in a stained clear plastic vault of smoke that was about as big as your average bathroom. Yea, desperation ain’t no pretty thang.’
September 23, 2010 2:03 am Knowing that there is someone watching you. But you dare not look behind you. You can’t resist the temptation, so you look anyway…
And of course, nothing is there. Not even a b-rated horror movie attacker.
“FINISH THIS FOR NOW.”
i dare not look behind…
Early March 2008: Naw-rehab wasn’t the pretty allure that I saw on Tell Me Vision commercials (television). With its yoga sessions, full course meals, gyms, and Jacuzzis. The first stop detox was a county jail holding cell. A rubber mat to sleep on. A urine stained toilet attached to a sink and a drainage hole in the middle of the floor. It only took four hours of me being there for me to decide that ‘I don’t hate my life as I much as I thought.’
Then the “I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.” Followed with the whole police department laughing and mocking me.
Studied the dead bolt door-silencing the chaos inside my mind I think of different ways to open the locks and bust down the door. Had the chills while my old head meds were leaving my system. Felt it start at my spine, then travel to my shoulder blades and ending at the back of my neck.
Every event triggered by the senses. Senses I’m likely to distort when I am far beyond fatigue-more prone to flash backs. There were certain events I made sure to remember in hopes of not repeating the same mistakes.
September 23, 2010 2:13 am:
I remember it well when that terrible room that imprisoned me inside my mind manifested into a small cell. It’s a place I can’t go back to.
excerpt from "0" purchase here Please :)
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