100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (You can pay for your beer with your AA Chips) (c) 2017

Do you know someone like this? Maybe you. Didn’t get what they wanted. Driven by a selfish need they give up on their life; rather than seeing how they placed their self in positions to get hurt they blame others.

He focused so much on getting her that he obsessed and lost his job.

I’ve had the worse day of my life. I want anything to relieve this pain. I can’t believe they fired me.

All I could hear was their mockery saying things like “Romances and Finances."

I look around the squared room. The faces blurring as my eyes are getting red. My heart’s in my throat. My hands tremble. The room seems to be breathing. Getting smaller and bigger. I feel their eyes and voices persecuting me. 

Like when someone relapses in Alcoholics Anonymous and comes back professing; and they’ll say patronizing “You remind me that it’s not gotten better out there.” “Better you than me.” 

This is the worst day in my life. All that hard work. Years I’ve put in. All the money I made them. This is how I get paid back! How am I going to pay my car note? How am I going to pay my rent? I’m gonna be on the streets. I thought this sobriety stuff would make my life better. It’s made it worse. I can always live with my parents. Who? My father? My mother? Friends? I can hear them now “I knew you wouldn’t make it. I’m about to cry. I’m not going to give them the satisfaction. DAMN THEM! Still talking about failed romances and finances.

Carmelita can save me. I’ll go to my car. She’s probably called. I can go to Virginia. She loves me. I can get her parents to like me. I can start a new life. I need a drink. I’m going to the bar. I deserve it. I stand up with my legs shaking. I walk slowly. Somehow I made it out the door. One of them saying, “…but we don’t get drunk no matter what.” Yea but they don’t know what it’s like to be me!

Fast Eddie is behind the coffee bar.

 “Hang in there kid.” I keep my eyes on the ground. My head so heavy. “_______.” I look over at him. Now my tears are falling.

He extends his hand with a cup of coffee in it, “Where are you going?” I wipe away my tears. Take the coffee.

 Barely make it to my car. Check my phone. No missed call. It’s over. I have no one. I’m going to that bar three blocks away. I dig in my pockets for my wallet. Got this multiyear sobriety chip. They’ll give me a lot of beer for free. All I gotta do is give the bar tender the chip. I can get lucky. Get drunk, get brave. Get a woman. Start a new romance.

I pull in the parking lot of Buddy’s Inn (The bar).

I close my eyes. Open my eyes. I’m in front of the bar tender. “Rough day uh pal.” I look on the wall behind him. Sure enough there’s a board with Recovery chips mounted. I dig in my pocket for my chip…