100 Love Letters I'll Never Send ( We all get better together) (C) 2018
He took me on a ride to all the places I had gone to while I was in this love thang with Carmelita: The restaurant we're we met, the place I got fired from, the temporary job agency, the trash heap I used to work at to teach me a lesson.
Twenty of us sat around the long table. Serenity was at the head of the table. First they passed around the flyer We all get better together printed in the center top of page. The time, date, and the fee of ten dollars was printed below it. Also had catering by a local family owned restaurant CG's Southern cooking. Speakers, work shops on the history of Bill and Lois, history of famous couples in recovery, how to have healthy relationships. and more. Fun for the whole family was center, in the middle. that promoted the event.
All of them were discussing they're different parts to play. I didn't feel right about that. Something about this whole thing made me very uncomfortable. Yet, Carmelita was so excited as she held my hand tighter. She was going to be looking after the children in the backroom. I figured I should calm down. I should be happy that she's happy. Then of course, my head started playing games with me in the form of guilt.
Now:
"That's why I make sure my partner knows that I have to have my own life..." More times than I like to admit, a person talks for forty five minutes-and the only thing I hear is the last sentence.
Every one started clapping. Yet all I could stay focused on was how Carmelita was not wanting to be around me. The night before the AA community day I try to hold her. She turned away. Serene must be taking her away from. I got a cup of coffee and a dinner plate and took it to her. She had a three year old in her arms and was talking with the father a bit too comfortably.
"Hey, baby I got you a dinner," I got in between them. He took the hint.
"Thanks," she sighed and ignored I was even there. I wanted to talk to her. Yet I knew my mind was too full of anger, fear, and resentment.
I left the plate on a back table. I turned around and walked back into the AA area.
There was my sponsor, "Hey kid, been a while since we talked. You okay?" I didn't want to tell him a thing. "Why can't I be happy?" Came out of my mouth in a whine.
"You, Me, Now," he ordered and I followed him out of the door. We got in his all black Cadillac and we rode. He first stopped in the parking lot of Buddy's Inn. He pretended to be checking his cell phone for something. He was obvious. "You remember this don't you boy," he prompted. All I could do was start crying. Then we drove slowly up the beach to the Coral restaurant. Then we drove to the Morningside Investments building. All along the while an AA speaker CD played. All I could hear was "Hello we're Joe and Charlie," as we pulled up to the parking lot of Labor Needs.
When we got to the parking lot of Waste World I started screaming at him,
"You just want me to tell you that you were right all along," my tears now dampening my shirt.
"No boy. You see. It's just the way things are. You need to think about the odds. How God was looking after you. People have relapsed and died over far less. There's a reason they tell us not to go out with people ho are new to recovery, and most of the time it's not the one who pursued to get upset.
You're looking for any reason to escape yourself. You made her into your higher power..."
He took me on a ride to all the places I had gone to while I was in this love thang with Carmelita: The restaurant we're we met, the place I got fired from, the temporary job agency, the trash heap I used to work at to teach me a lesson.
It was like a renewal to our relationship.
2 weeks ago:Twenty of us sat around the long table. Serenity was at the head of the table. First they passed around the flyer We all get better together printed in the center top of page. The time, date, and the fee of ten dollars was printed below it. Also had catering by a local family owned restaurant CG's Southern cooking. Speakers, work shops on the history of Bill and Lois, history of famous couples in recovery, how to have healthy relationships. and more. Fun for the whole family was center, in the middle. that promoted the event.
All of them were discussing they're different parts to play. I didn't feel right about that. Something about this whole thing made me very uncomfortable. Yet, Carmelita was so excited as she held my hand tighter. She was going to be looking after the children in the backroom. I figured I should calm down. I should be happy that she's happy. Then of course, my head started playing games with me in the form of guilt.
Now:
"That's why I make sure my partner knows that I have to have my own life..." More times than I like to admit, a person talks for forty five minutes-and the only thing I hear is the last sentence.
Every one started clapping. Yet all I could stay focused on was how Carmelita was not wanting to be around me. The night before the AA community day I try to hold her. She turned away. Serene must be taking her away from. I got a cup of coffee and a dinner plate and took it to her. She had a three year old in her arms and was talking with the father a bit too comfortably.
"Hey, baby I got you a dinner," I got in between them. He took the hint.
"Thanks," she sighed and ignored I was even there. I wanted to talk to her. Yet I knew my mind was too full of anger, fear, and resentment.
I left the plate on a back table. I turned around and walked back into the AA area.
There was my sponsor, "Hey kid, been a while since we talked. You okay?" I didn't want to tell him a thing. "Why can't I be happy?" Came out of my mouth in a whine.
"You, Me, Now," he ordered and I followed him out of the door. We got in his all black Cadillac and we rode. He first stopped in the parking lot of Buddy's Inn. He pretended to be checking his cell phone for something. He was obvious. "You remember this don't you boy," he prompted. All I could do was start crying. Then we drove slowly up the beach to the Coral restaurant. Then we drove to the Morningside Investments building. All along the while an AA speaker CD played. All I could hear was "Hello we're Joe and Charlie," as we pulled up to the parking lot of Labor Needs.
When we got to the parking lot of Waste World I started screaming at him,
"You just want me to tell you that you were right all along," my tears now dampening my shirt.
"No boy. You see. It's just the way things are. You need to think about the odds. How God was looking after you. People have relapsed and died over far less. There's a reason they tell us not to go out with people ho are new to recovery, and most of the time it's not the one who pursued to get upset.
You're looking for any reason to escape yourself. You made her into your higher power..."
He took me on a ride to all the places I had gone to while I was in this love thang with Carmelita: The restaurant we're we met, the place I got fired from, the temporary job agency, the trash heap I used to work at to teach me a lesson.
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