(Sin bizness) excerpt Chapter 9 The House of Bacchuss (c) 2019

You would bring up things. Like memories that she would rather not remember. This would cause her harm. You would be doing this selfishly. She already knows that you are selfish…’“

I think I’m ready to apologize to her,” Howard said. The response he thought he would hear was, “I agree. That would mend things and make y'all stronger. It’ll be like it was when y'all were dating.” Instead, “Okay.what else?”

“I think I should also explain why I did what I did?” Howard was starting to second guess himself. Chris replied, “And why do you think you did what you did?”

Howard could feel his anxiety rising. Sweat was beading on his forehead, as he remembered ...

“Howard,” Chris finally ended the silence. Howard don’t think about it too much.”

“What?” This was one of those situations that seemed to be beyond coincidence. Maybe it was. A general statement, “Don’t think about it too much,” could be used in countless scenarios. It brought Howard back to what they had been talking about earlier. As well as, sent the images and feeling, of the  murder he committed, back to his subconscious.

“Howard?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have your book with you?”

“Clara, I need to tell her all the things that I am sorry about. I have to make amends to her.”

“Open up to page eighty and start reading.”

“Howard read the paragraphs out loud. The reading was about a man being unfaithful to his wife. She didn’t know about the infidelity. The reading addressed the question of rather to tell her or not. After Howard read it he thought maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. He hadn’t ever cheated on Clara. Then boldly he told Chris, “This doesn’t relate to me.”

“There’s a prayer that I suggest  you  learn,” Chris replied.

“Prayer? Let me guess, it’s something about…”

“YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND RATHER THAN BE UNDERSTOOD,” Chris cut him off. When you interrupt someone with a quick statement that phrase and what you say next lodges into that person’s subconscious mind.

“Howard, Step Nine. What does it say?”

“I don’t know.”

“Look it up.”

Howard took a moment to find it in his book.

“We made direct amends to those we had harmed, except when to do so would injure them or others,” Howard stated confidently. He was in denial.

“You see that part ‘except when to do so would injure them or others?’ You would bring up things. Like memories that she would rather not remember. This would cause her harm. You would be doing this selfishly. She already knows that you are selfish…’

Now Howard remembered a few times that he had hurt her. He remembered one time when they were eating dinner with her parents in a fancy restaurant. They just drank a couple glasses of wine. Howard got drunk; drinking a full bottle by himself.He remembered the angry and ashamed looks on her face. He remembered how he was trying to be so clever. Thought he knew everything. He talked about world news, told them inappropriate things about himself. He remembered the anger in her voice when he’d come to from black outs.

“Write this down.”

“Write what?

“The prayer.”

“Why?” Howard’s voice cracked and whined. This was the first time he remembered the things he did while drunk. Especially, the things he did to her.” 

“I may not be able to get her back. I may not be able to live without her...” Chris was silent as he listened to Howard sob for a moment. “Howard.” Howard’s tears fell to the hardwood floor. Howard's tears seeped through the floor with no cracks. The house fed on the tears. Just like it did on his blood..   

“Howard. Howard. Howard. Howard, that’s enough! You’ve been without her for weeks now. “What it will do is make you a better person. You have to let her go. You’ve used her as your higher power for to long. Now you write these lines of the prayer. Also repeat the lines to me as I tell you the prayer.”

“Okay. ``Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,’” with that line Howard remembered  seeing Julius. “‘That where there is hatred, I may bring love,” Howard remembered more things he did to his Clara.

“What if I’m incapable of love?”

“Howard write the lines. Repeat the lines to stop your thoughts. Follow directions.”

Chapter 9 coming soon

link to chapter 8