Byrne Notes XXXII (I failed at being in the US Army even after being in the US Army) © 2015


The semester before the summer of 2004, I was very frightened that I would not pass ROTC camp. The supply sergeant informed me that it would be a cake walk. I continued to fail drills of land navigation and infantry tactics. One was on Camp Shelby land navigation course. I would get lost admiring the beautiful landscape.

During the final week of the Spring semester my two front teeth, that I had lost before Kosovo and got back in Benning, gave me a tremendous pain. A pain in which I almost relapsed. Bob was by his phone 24 hours a day. I have not had a sponsor like that since, nor have I been one. He was there to calm me. Saved me. Saw a dentist. It cost me around $1200.00 dollars for that root canal and two temporary caps. That always fell out.

I had my two teeth replaced about two week before leaving to Fort Lewis training LDAC (Leadership Development and Assessment course. Two days later I pulled my back out terribly at the Construction Battalion Navy gym. I was doing negative bench with 295 my spotter was terrible. About eighty percent of the right side of my upper body had lost strength. It hurt to breath, and turn my head. I could barely do forty push ups. That afternoon Bob had me take him to the hospital. He was very calm to have had nine diabetic strokes. Three days later he died. Days after the funeral I was on the plane Fort Lewis bound.


My first downfall was at the rifle range. Took me hours to get qualified. I had tears of frustration in my eyes. I thought the sergeant in charge of us (he was of the President’s hundred). I thought he was personally chose to pick on me. I remember feeling suicidal at camp and telling my peers this. They laughed thinking I was joking. Now I understand that he was trying to help me. Then came the major event of performing platoon infantry tactics. The brass were already looking at me. They saw me as incompetent. My peers did as well. There were evaluations of my performances by my peers, and superiors. All of them found me at the very bottom.

On my two year sobriety date I was in charge of a mission. My peers felt sorry for me. (I had told them it was my two year sobriety date. Thus they did everything possible to make me shine. The evaluators noticed.

There was day time/ night time land navigation. Of course, I got lost. During night navigation I remember stepping in a tiny puddle. I walked a little further and the water came a little passed my boots. I stepped a few more steps and got totally immersed in water. I remembered that lyric from Dylan, “Ain't it hard to stumble. And land in some muddy lagoon? Especially when it's nine below zero.” On the walk back I was picked up by personnel that were part of a search effort, that had been going on for three hours, to find me. That event led to a court hearing.

The full bird (Colonel) of the grounds was oh so nice to me. Explained to me how I was a nice guy, I just wasn’t meant to be in the US Army. I was angry, how dare them. I had four years of active duty experience. On the evening before my hearing I shaved my head to symbolize that I was strong.

Was utterly humiliated when they told me that all of my performances were below unsatisfactory. Three days later, I was chain smoking outside the Seattle Airport talking with another student who got kicked out of camp. We traded stories back and forth about how we were treated unfairly.

I was relieved and scared at the same time. I really didn’t want to be in the US Army. I was also scared to not have a financial safety net. Fortunately for me my sister was going through a divorce. She kept me distracted. Although I was no longer receiving the ROTC stipend of $200. a month, I was still on the G.I. Bill, which I used as spending money. Used student loans to pay for school.

When I saw the USM ROTC colonel I was full of excuses of why I didn’t pass LDAC. He cut me off quick telling me “Holmes, your special effects aren’t going to help you in life. If it’s still worth it to you, you can come back and prepare yourself for next summer.”

There was this dude I’d see around campus. He was always in a suit and tie, wore a derby. He had long side burns. About a week into the August 2004 semester I saw the same guy in ROTC. He had his hair cut short, and got rid of his side burns. I grew my side burns ridiculously long.


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