When you are desperate to find answers, to fill up the void inside, you stay up all night looking for answers. You might touch your TV screen as instructed from an evangelist. Ironically all self-help, religious, and miracle money making schemes start airing, on Tellmevision, during the witching hour-2 am.
Stay up all night looking for answers. Then you sleep all day to avoid people because you’re paranoid you might get hurt.
On one such morning I saw these celebrities talking about how they accomplished their dreams. All of em’ giving credit to Tony Robbins #TonyRobbins Get The Edge, “Do you have it in you?” I decided I did. With finger clicking speed I ordered “Get The Edge.” http://www.amazon.com/Get-Edge-7-Day-Program-Transform/dp/B000BMASVS
https://www.tonyrobbins.com/https://www.tonyrobbins.com/Received it with in seven days. It heavily emphasized taking action, meeting goals, and strategies to achieve those goals. The program is about a week long covering finances, health, relationships, etc. “Never go without taking action toward your goals.” “What did I really want to do?” The answer that came to me was to do music live.
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For about
a month I became obsessed with getting her back. Every free minute I could I
researched it on the internet. I did get her back. Much of it was help from my
sponsor.
Things
were really good between her and me for a couple months. She helped me move out
of my apartment into a new bigger one. For once I could take a decent shower.
At the last apartment the ceilings were seven feet high. The ceiling for the
bathroom were five feet high. Now I lived right down the street from her.
Her mother was adamantly
against us being together. Rightfully, so. At first, it excited her to sneak
around. Then she started saying nasty things to me-I think she was trying to
get rid of me.
One night, while we were
out, I watched a couple happily dancing with each other. At that moment, I
realized we could never be like that couple. So I broke it off with her.
When I went to AA meetings
it felt like I had failed my sponsor. Therefore, I switched fellowships to
Narcotics Anonymous. Shortly after, my AA sponsor, who only had a small wire
to his heart, started losing his mind. His body couldn’t sustain his heart any
longer. He died.
Of course, over is never
over. Right? I still couldn’t let her go. Started doing research once again.
Found a video on youtube that guaranteed you’d get your ex back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF_pEt8kKmY
With finger click speed I
paid that $70. dollars and within seconds I had that digital book. Went all the
way through it that week end. At the end it explains, “…by now you should be
happy enough to be by yourself that you can move on.”
“DAMN
IT!”
It was unavoidable. It was
time for me to work on me. I started working the steps out of the Narcotics Anonymous Green and Gold manual. The emotional probing was intense. Had
questions like, "What is it like when I'm obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern? Describe." http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/1699/NA-Step-Guide-Questions-STEP-ONE-- ___________________________
When you are desperate to
find answers, to fill up the void inside, you stay up all night looking for
answers. You might touch your TV screen as instructed from an evangelist. Ironically
all self-help, religious, and miracle money making schemes start airing, on
Tellmevision, during the witching hour-2 am.
Stay up all night looking
for answers. Then you sleep all day to avoid people because you’re paranoid you
might get hurt.
On one such morning I saw
these celebrities talking about how they accomplished their dreams. All of em’
giving credit to Tony Robbins #TonyRobbins Get The Edge, “Do you have it in you?” I decided
I did. With finger clicking speed I ordered “Get The Edge.” http://www.amazon.com/Get-Edge-7-Day-Program-Transform/dp/B000BMASVS
https://www.tonyrobbins.com/https://www.tonyrobbins.com/Received it with in
seven days. It heavily emphasized taking action, meeting goals, and strategies
to achieve those goals. The program is about a week long covering finances,
health, relationships, etc. “Never go without taking action toward your goals.”
“What did I really want to do?” The answer that came to me was to do music
live.
I went to Ground Zero Blues
Club http://www.groundzerobluesclub.com/ begging to get on their stage during Thursday night’s open mic. I really
wasn’t ready to do it. Had to take action it was a Now Or Never sort of thing.
I also figured I could get her back, if not her than someone else, by being a
rocker. Didn’t go down like that at all, “John, people I don’t even know are
walking up to me telling me how ridiculous you look. You need to stop.” Suppose
in a way she was trying to protect me from being hurt. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHg0TnkjlE8
In the grey area of not
being but kind of being in a love thang I had her agree to go to Mexico with me.
She backed out at the last minute. I remember being so heart broken I cried all
night in that Texas
airport.
Stayed motivated by anger
and fear. I had to prove the nay sayers wrong. Would do intense workouts with
personally picked anthems playing in my mp3 player. I discovered that if I
pushed myself physically to the point of almost passing out I would tell myself
affirmations. I believe at the points of being physically exhausted
everything goes from the conscious to the unconscious mind more quickly. Thus bring a change quicker. I’d don on all black
and jog that 7 mile route from Clarksdale
to Hopson Plantation. Countless times I felt like I was going to die or pass
out, “No one will be around to save me from dying on this road.” I remember
years ago Jessie Ventura saying something like , "I trained so hard for the seals i knew that nothing could ever challenge me like that training. Therefor, I didn't have much fear." http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Jesse_Ventura
“People round town will see
me running and think such great things about me. I can feed off of their
energy. That energy will empower me when I don’t believe in myself.” I psyche
myself up during and after running-I’d lift weights in my apartment. Following
with a hot bubble bathe I’d breathe in my nose and out of my mouth repeating
positive affirmations. Convincing myself I could do things. I was well aware
that there were some folks heckling me.
First jam at Ground Zero
Blues Club was a very bad attempt at Hendrix “Voodoo Child.” I practiced that
song two hundred and fifty times.
Fueled by coffee and heart
break, I played a lot. This included in Mexico. I even did theatrics such
as bowing down with a Stella guitar, Ronnie Drew link let me borrow, to a
statue of an Indian. Took the guitar with me in search of Tulum. Found El Muyil
(birth of the sky) by accident https://myspace.com/honeabyrne/video/from-maya-to-mississippi-with-love-jorge-/100496569 Climbed to the top of it in the three
piece suit I got in Korea.
Filmed all of my experiences there in Mexico. “Called it From Mississippi
To Maya With Love.”
Came back to Clarksdale with a renewed
vision. Learned that basic Jimmy Reed Blueshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEkepygs_bM Progression best I could and wrote
“I Can Love You.”-https://myspace.com/honeabyrne/video/you-know-that-i-can-love-you/62296655 Regardless of my
hecklers, Bill Lucket told me he enjoyed my performance. I continued promoting
on myspace, recording my performances, writing blogs. During this time one of
my stories was published by Bootleg
Avenue.
Work was a lot easier. The
principal switched me to self-contained. Was around the same kids all day. She
thought that I was pushed over the edge by being an inclusion teacher. She
introduced me to her church West Tallahatchie Church of God http://www.coahomacounty.net/links/churches.php I became a member. Even got Baptized on Father's Day 2008.
Teaching Self-Contained was
very introspective. I remembered how frustrated my father would get when I
would forget directions he gave me. These children asked me how to spell the
same words every day. I had to come up with hooks (attention getters) for them
to remember important information. I decided that it was best to teach them
money mathematics. Figured that the poor end up paying more than the rich (explain)
A good teacher is a good
entertainer. As I practiced more and more on my songs I became a better
teacher. Started feeling, almost inherently, when I was losing the crowd at
Ground Zero. When I couldn’t remember what to hit on that string I’d improv
with a bend. Mostly, I mprov by stopping playing and saying a verse. Those
skills came after my tenth performance. I always had to have the host tune my
guitar. I’d go outside on the Blues Museum’s steps and practice on an awkward,
warped, bulky acoustics guitar for two or three hours. The bartender started
sending for me when my time came. Notably, host who were very nice to me were #DaddyRichhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9Z4duh3mjg , #SeanApple https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I0JNdml7UU. Others left me to wait till the very end. I
can’t blame em at all. Most times, I sounded horrible. That was greatly due to
me going up there by myself. It was hard to follow me. Most of the songs I did
were ones I wrote. Most acts did the same songs over and over again. This kept
the crowds. Kept the tips coming in. A guy like me drove crowds out.
Regardless, I was building a fanbase on myspace. Some came to see me to make
fun of me. Still am not sure how many came to dig my originality. My worst
performance aren’t on youtube. Although there are some that don’t represent me
well on a good day.
Met me another chick.
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