Notes Byrning XLV ( Many will quit at the rejection phase.) ©2015

She had kids closer to my age than she was. She was in a long distance relationship with a guy in another country. She got lonely. I wanted to accommodate her. Didn’t take long for us to become an item. She’s an artist-painting, drawing, and a musician. Had musical roots in Chicago, Iowa, and in the Hill Country Blues. Hill Country Blues comes from places in Mississippi like Holly Springs. Musicians she knew and jammed with were Junior Kimbrough, and R.L. Burnside. Of course, there’s many more that are known and unknown. The Mississippi Delta had more of a slide style-Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson, Tommy Johnson. The Hill Country Blues is more finger picking style-R.L. Burnside, Jr. Kimbrough. (he jams and talks about the blues go to 5:17 and 15:27)Blues in Clarksdale taught me that it didn’t matter what age you were to become a star. There’s musicians in the Blues that are world renown. Some started between the ages of 35 to 55. The late T-Model Ford started at age 55. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NGq0Mpc6tgSupah Chiken started at 35.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cug4jSz0Xgw

My new girl helped me clean up my playing. She also helped me in a gig we did down in New Walleans, Igor’s https://plus.google.com/115712871140083630360/about?gl=us&hl=en

I was under the assumption, that I would be famous instantly. Promoted videos, made flyers to spread the word. When we got to Igor’s (Check Point Charlie’s) there might have been a total of 30 folks there. Charles came to watch us. We made $40. dollars in tips for four hours of playing.

After, so many rejections, I am coming to terms with why I do what I do. I wanted to be famous so much-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MydUjKLQUz4 In school I always thought I didn’t belong. Some people will pretend to be things they are not just to get accepted. If they are around preppy kids they talk all proper and dress fancy. Metal heads grow their hair out and memorize every Misfits song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww6dJot6mU4If they around skaters, they learn to skate. If they wanna’ be bad they hang out with gangs and learn every Gangsta’ Rap song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhKqsIe283c&list=PLsm5XUxQMl31Do30T5Lb7Hf_1XakXl2-l https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTrO_P-QFBATalk like the gangsta rappers. Wear the colors.

I hung out with the wanna’ be gangsta’s. I write ‘wanna’ be’ because years later they’re getting their tattooed pitch forks and stars covered with a more acceptable tattoo. One day they ripped me off. Stole my mother’s credit card. Then I was alone again.

Is getting up there on that stage an extreme to be accepted? To show em all that you are important? Lead by Anger and Fear WHEN THE REJECTION CAME I TOOK IT PERSONAL. Many will quit at the rejection phase. I’ve had my share of being booed, walk outs, my cd’s broken in half in front of me. Charles sent me an e-mail one day, a quote from Chuck Buskowski,  to keep me inspired. He even posted the quote to a song he did https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBDeNVVfiyI I’ve come to expect rejection more than I used to expect it. I do what I do many times to face my fears. Fears that manifest into unrealistic mind games-what will happen, what they will do, all of it False Evidence Appearing Real https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LUM4pL6q50

She pointed out to me that I should do it for my audience. Let me borrow her guitars. I used parts from seemingly endless love letters to those ‘I’ll love you forever, don’t get in touch with me again.’ Combined it with new rhymes-Thus came 2^nd street link She actually showed me the riff to play that led to  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcslTbZKVv0

Never wanted that average 9 to 5 job thang. Many times my life would become what I wrote. For example inhttp://www.honeabyrne.com/2013/10/a-story-fit-for-halloween-9-pages.html Giving Light to Darkness and even shadows will Die While writing the part about the electricity going out do to a cures, my electricity went out in my apartment on a sunny day.

She started off embracing my artistic side, “You don’t have bi-polar. You’re just artistic.” Then came the inevitable, weeks later, like so many times before, “You’re crazy. You need to get back on your meds.” “I never quit taking my meds.”

It ended. Maybe it was because of the age difference. Maybe it was because I couldn’t give her stability and…I addressed it as best I could with Can A Woman Make A Man Lose His Mind? purchase here: http://www.amazon.com/WOMAN-MAKE-LOSE-MIND-Book-ebook/dp/B00887JTKY

I was devastated. My bi-polar shifted from mania to depression. Quit performing. Kept thinking about how ridiculous I looked. My family was embarrassed by my shananogins. Became a recluse. That’s how my mind works. Spend four months manic, one month inbetween, and five months in depression. Came up with a kewl catch phrase, “I put the mania in maniac.” I was ashamed about the things I had done while in the majickal thinking-the self destructive vanity of convincing myself I had control over syncronicity. That I was a god. Fueled by caffeine.

Focused on my writing. Had started writing a somewhat autobiographical piece while I was going out with her.  “0”-title was taken from the tarot card of the fool. purchase here http://www.amazon.com/0-honea-byrne-ebook/dp/B00DR7348S/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1432082818&sr=1-1&keywords=%220%22+honea+byrne

I developed a re-interest in comic books, loved comic books as a child. One day, I came across how Captain America had been assassinated Read about it here. Shortly, there after, Batman was killed.(read about DC Final Crises here http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Final_Crisis http://www.bing.com/images/search?

q=batman+dies+final+crisis+DC+picture&view=detailv2&&&id=8983765E8CA32BE91BBB2AB84024DE8B5249F029&selectedIndex=1&ccid=U0MBReS9&simid=608001944731715329&thid=JN.xujYea6UZsVO8Fyzbva5Iw&ajaxhist=0 Found out that there were five comic book stores in Mississippi. A major one was in Jackson, Comic Commander https://www.facebook.com/ComicCommander . Love going through their dollar section. Added years to my life as I discovered comics that I had wanted when I was young, before I started doing drugs and alcohol. Brought back good memories. Remembered, years ago, while I was reading The Artist Wayhttp://juliacameronlive.com/, I had always wanted to go through my comics that I got in my childhood and get joy from memories.

Researched how to get published online. I found Triond  and Experts Column one of my works 

 Many have wanted to be a superhero-for it gives them a sense of acceptance. I prayed for success, found binaural beats. Binaural beats are kind of like self-hypnosis. Started watching “Igodmind” https://www.youtube.com/user/iGodMindTy

Started writing on an epic, Fearless (Instruction manual on how to be a superhero.  purchase here http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/x201c-0-x201d-fearless-entire-series-wiith-bonus-book-tellmevision-honea-byrne/1115864910?ean=2940016539201 I sincerely wanted to save the children of Clarksdale High School, my peers, and the people of Clarksdale. I was under the assumption that many thought of me as being weak. Therefore, being able to be more through the moniker of The Mysterious Stranger was my perfect alter ego. Attending church kept me spiritually balanced and inspired to fight a spiritual war between Good and evil. In this epic, it is still my intention to be and remain socially conscious.

Was inspiring to see the statistics of those reading my blogs; especially on ExpertsColumns http://honeabyrne.expertscolumn.com/article/skeletons-add-flesh-random-excerpts-1-so-what-happens-old-once-famous-musicians-pay rate was something like $1.00 for every thousand views. Never got paid. Was learning how to utilize tags in my writings to get maximum exposure. For example, on the web, if you use a specific description for specific topics that get the most views your material will get more exposure.

Met this dude, goes by the name Cog. He was ambitious. Wanted to and opened his own club in Clarksdale Channel Ziltch Link. Hung out with him a lot. Jammed with him. He had a good drum set. He told me months back that he dug what I did in Ground Zero. I even watched him perform at Zero (vid) I was high off coffee, and oozing egomania as I cheered him, “You got this kid.”

It was great hanging with him. Didn’t take long for him to start booking acts like Sound Of The Mountain https://www.facebook.com/thesoundofthemountain Felt good to be a part of something. Cog even had one of my demos on display, “Highway Metal.”

Highway Metal is a genre of music I created; based on my poetic line, “Like a highway I am that both the living and the dead travel.” My musical influences are of Metal acts like Danzig, and the fusion of the greatest Heavy Metal/Rap album of all time-Judgement Night soundtrack (link), Rollins Band, and Anthrax and classic Mississippi Blues. Two songs that I wrote that greatly convey my sound are “Highway Metal” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpItZx7qn9U and  https://myspace.com/honeabyrne/music/song/highway-m3t-l-ghosts-of-highway-49-.mp3-82083270-90439151

My creativity is my possession that leads me to do these things. Charles was my biggest fan. Always could count on him to give me nonbiased feedback. Learned from him that instrumentals should be good with out vocals. Adding vocals many times takes away  the music’s integrity. I was very flattered that a well known musician of Clarksdale, Walt Busbyhttps://myspace.com/waltbusby, is a big fan of Charles https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuTc0aV4emIxIE4mlMw1KEQ Has been so for years before I got to Clarksdale.

In my reclusiveness, I even stopped hanging out at Channell Ziltch. I got offended one night when he had formed a band, but yet refused me as being part of this band. I stayed away to regroup, mostly. Was raised to be concerned about what others thought of me from family members who are the type to spend hours gossiping about others-this gave them a false sense of empowerment. Talking bad about others, character assassinating them, becomes a false measure of success, “Well, at least I’m not as bad as…” I’d stay in my apartment for hours making vids with my flip camera, and recording my own music. Was continuing to build my audience. There’s a lot of work that goes into making the basic video that is under five minutes. Many times it took at least four hours to do it right.

Remembered searching for something inside myself to get out of my depression. Much of getting out of it was jogging and working out to get those naturl highs. Also did it to know inherently that know one and nothing could challenge me more than myself.

My Narcotics Anonymous sponsor strongly suggested I continue step work out of the green and gold work book. Caused me to go deep within and unblock mental/spiritual prisons that I created long time ago.