100 Love Letters I'll Never Send ( give you what you need…all you have to do is take it ) (c) 2017

He just left the alcoholics anonymous meeting for the bar to drown his sorrows. Before he does...

“They say, not sure who…anyways, they say, ‘…The LohRd will give you what you need…all you have to do is take it. It is about the choices we take from the opportunities God gives us. All comes down to free will. Kind of anyway.’ …and they also say that demons come in the number of divinity; like sevens and three’.” Funny the stuff you hear in bars. 

That’s some kinda drunk discussing life with another drunk at the table behind me. Well I reckon that’s why they call the stuff we pour in our glasses here “Spirits.” Reminds me of what they say blocks down the road, “A body full of booze and a mind full of AA.” Do I really want to do this?

“Hey buddy.” I look at the bar tender again. She’s gotta be in her late twenties. They got smart and put pretty chicks as bartenders so they get more business. ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY WANTED TO HELP AREN’T EVEN CALLING ME NOW.

“Yea,” I dig into my wallet and my AA chip falls on the floor. I reach down to pick it up and my cell phone rings, It’s my sponsor. To hell with him. All he’s gonnah tell me is how he knew I’d fail. I answer to fuel my anger, “Hey, kid. You alright? Where are you?”

Then a second call comes in, it’s Britney. My lucks changing already, “Hang on,” I click over to her, “Hey ________ I was just seeing how your doing?” I arch the phone between my shoulder and head. Don’t hear her as I pick up my AA chip off the floor. My sadness returns. And I know I been here before. I do it again anyway, I start on about how sad I am. Then I remember my whole world is gone and really start crying. I slam the chip on the bar in between me and the pretty bar tender, “I’ll have scotch straight.” The hot bartender looks at me and ask, “Are you sure honey?”

Then my phone gets another call (the third call. It’s Carmelita. So I hang up on Britney and my sponsor, “Hey baby,” I say with my voice cracking. I put the chip back in my wallet and get out the bar quickly. Get in my car and start driving while talking to the girl who just saved my life. Telling myself “Love is real.” 

"What's wrong ___________." She sounds like she really cares. 

"I've been fired from my job. Totally didn't expect it..."

She says all the right things, "I miss you too ___________. Can't stand sleeping alone. Can't stop thinking about you either..."