100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (...wanted to see if I'd miss you) (C) 2017

...and so he worked as a garbage man through a temporary job agency. He misses his ex.  He has been thinking about negative things and worked so hard that he's tired. He's trying to sleep. He's restless after the phone call.

"Haven’t heard from you in a while…” I answered the phone hoping to hear her voice and for a second, “Carm…” it was him, my sponsor, interrupting me, “Haven’t seen you in a meeting.” Accused tone. How long has it been? Feels like days.

“It was only yesterday,” I defend myself. I’m so damn tired.

“You in bed uh. It’s six in the evening! You been thinking uh?

” I don’t want to go to those meetings. All it does is remind me of what a failure I am.

“I’M ONLY DOING WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO!”

“Who are you yelling at? Congradulations you’ve passed.”

“What?”

“That dash to the second part of step one states that your life is unmanigable. I’ll see you at the five fifteen meeting.”

He hangs up.

Couldn’t sleep after that all that came to my mind was worry…and the worrisome questions that go with it. How was I going to pay my bills? Thank the Loh’Rd I have I have two thousand in my account; that’ll get me through for a month or so. I spent all that effort to be some body. Now all I get is less than a garbage man. How will I ever be right again? What will become of me?

Then that Alcoholics Anonymous brainwashing comes to me. Page 86-87: When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?...

Somehow I am able to let it go and the clock reads 222 am.

Maybe I’ll sleep late and go through the want adds.

Woken up by my phone ringing,

“Baby?”

“Hey.”

“Sorry, I haven’t called in a while. I wanted to see if I’d miss you.”

“Yea,” immediately, my spirit uplifts.