100 Love Letter's I'll Never Send, "It'll be good training for me," (C) 2018

“First it’s going to be great. You are going to go on dates. She’ll say anything you want to hear. Bate you in. She’ll tell you that no man has ever made her feel this way. There’s that uncertainty involved. You don’t know whether the other one wants you or not. You’ll treat her too good, because in your mind, you’re making up for how bad you treated the last one. You’ll have good meetings with her family. Why? Because they’ll be relieved for someone else to take care of her. They’ll be happy to get her out of their house. She’ll be the perfect girlfriend to your friends and family. Then she’ll slowly start doing things to get rid of you because she knows she has you. You’ll find yourself doing things you told yourself you’d never do just to hold onto something that is gone.”-AA Sponsor's warning

"Serene, serene, serenity," she kept singing over and over again. She put five pancakes on my plate. Poured the syrup. Handed me a glass of orange juice. 

"She seems high," I think to myself. Instantly hating myself for accusing her of that. I mean am I thinking that so I can haphazardly think I am better than her.

"Serene, serene, serenity." She keeps singing. Even turned on to the morning news. I haven't seen her this excited in too long. Am I just jealous that the couple at AA are making her happy, and I am not?

To break out of my negative thinking, "So baby. You still haven't told me about this big plan."

"Serene, serene, serenity," she keeps singing.

"You gotta to be high," I mumble to myself.

"Excuse me. What the hell did you just say?"

"I asked you, 'whats your big plan."

"Oh. There's going to be a big party at the AA hall. In two weeks they're going to have a big day. It's a fund raiser for the 'Couples In Recovery' group. I'm going to watch all the children in the back room. It'll be good training for me," then she kisses me.

Few minutes later, I'm at work. Putting more flyers in envelopes. Flyers that promote a greater life: like beach sunsets, big elaborate parties, cruises on yachts, big houses. This time I can actually envision Carmelita and I enjoying these places.

After all, she did say, ' It'll be good training for me.' That means she wants us to be a happy family. All I have to do is just prove myself again to Morningside Investments, and I'll be back on top again. I can be a true man. Supply for her and our child. It'll be better than before. I can be like my father was. We'll have the better things in life.

My phone starts ringing. It's my sponsor. 

I have no time for his negative outlooks on my life.

“First it’s going to be great. You are going to go on dates. She’ll say anything you want to hear. Bate you in. She’ll tell you that no man has ever made her feel this way. There’s that uncertainty involved. You don’t know whether the other one wants you are not. You’ll treat her too good, because in your mind, you’re making up for how bad you treated the last one. You’ll have good meetings with her family. Why? Because they’ll be relieved for someone else to take care of her. They’ll be happy to get her out of their house. She’ll be the perfect girlfriend to your friends and family. Then she’ll slowly start doing things to get rid of you because she knows she has you. You’ll find yourself doing things you told yourself you’d never do just to hold onto something that is gone.”