"In the mirrors of my judgement."-the notes byrne XI

 I spent so much time  establishing an escape from reality through my writing..My fantasy world was always intact as I forced myself to notice events as being not by coincidence. These events were  delusional and were created by me to prove my importance, my identity.

I continued to work on my novella This Oldman. Haven’t put it out yet. The story is about a mortuary affairs team who were forced into deadly combat by a deranged colonel. Much of it was inspired by a dubbed cassette tape of the Misfits that I found in my mom’s garage apartment. That’s why there are so many one liners of Misfits songs in the work. The work was also inspired by Kosovo war. There was a truck cemetery in the middle of the base. It was a convoy that was destroyed during the war. Through out the work there are many periods, 7 specifically. At the time I believed myself to be casting spells. The work is also about coming of age, when I returned to a comfort of home I’d be unrecognizable. Two years later I would come to experience such a feeling. Did I create that in my life?

I was pulling guard duty in the tower and remember reading a poem on the wall

"In the mirrors of my judgement    my  hands are the color of blood

                                                                                    i am a part of the evil

                                                                                      which exist to appose other evils which                                                                               exist to appose

                                                                                    other evils.

                                                                                    and on that great day of which the                                                                              prophets speak, but do not truly                                                                                   believe, when the world is cleansed                                                                           of evil

                                                                                    i too will go down into the darkness                                                                          shallowing curses.

                                                                                    but whatever...

                                                                                    until that time i shall not

                                                                                    be washing hands , nor let them                                                                                useless. "

 when they came to me with the Red Cross message about my grandfather. He was in the hospital on his death bed. Had only days left the doctors said. I was on a plane within 24 hours.