Notes Byrne XVI (holes in Buildings and holes in my heart) © 2015

We were excited and saddened at the same time. For we were going to do what they had joined the US Army to do. Many of these soldiers also went off to war. They will never be the same again. Nor will I. 

Many, I have come across claim the Pentagon was an inside job by our government. Once again, this comes from civilians who have never served. In all these conspiracy theories they discount one thing. That is the loss of human life. Could they have the gall to say such things to a child losing their father? There were also conspiracy theorists during Pearl Harbor. Michael Moore's #Fahrenheit911 stated that the US didn’t send troops to Afghanistan till Mid October. That’s a lie. I remember the 54^th sent a team attached to a Special Forces unit around September 20. They made Sergeant school (PLDC) shorter to send troops. One of these was my squad leader. The training mission to Egypt was almost cancelled.

An army buddy from Korea, William Crouse, found me in my barracks. He had heard of Mortuary Affairs coming. http://honeabyrne.blogspot.com/2014/09/a-hole-inside-brain-of-military-memoir.html Some how William Crouse had found my barracks room. Saw Crouse just long enough that night to talk about our good ole days in Korea. Told me he had been about two hundred feet away from where the plane had hit. Told me the building shook for a few seconds. A few seconds that seemed more like a couple hours.

During the day it was a game of waiting. I remember the First Sergeant keeping an eye on me. Told me I had to conduct myself in a way that was fitting for a noncommissioned officer (sergeant). My eyes filled with tears of resentment. Once again no one believed in me.             

Two days later the Army decided to go on with the training in Egypt. I was sent to Fort Belvoir to take a soldiers place that was going to Egypt. Before I left I put a note on Crouse’s door, “Good to see you. Pray we make it through this hard time.” Remember on the way there at a red light I saw a reporter jump out of a car and snap a shot of our refrigeration unit.                     

At Belvoir we were taking boxes and human remains pouches off of the refer unit and packing them into Belvoir’s refrigeration unit. Then we put them on helicopter. The helicopter went to Dover Air Force base for identification and shipment to their families. For about two weeks we only had food that was given to us (energy bars, tuna, and a lot of Gatorade). Every night and morning Sergeant First Class Hardgrove (our NCOIC) read us the security briefing. Colorful facts, “Osama Bin Laden has declared Jihad on the United States.”

On the day we had a free moment to roam the post I bought a Rollins Band CD and three airplane sized booze bottles. The chemist in me came out. If I drank three different types I could get buzzed safe and quickly. JIM AND JACK RIDING THE WILD TURKEY (jim bean, jack daniels and wild turkey).

 After practicing my created Martial Arts fighting techniques to pass the time and build a false sense of courage in myself I went down to the barracks day room.  Watch “tell me vision” television reruns of the Buggs Bunny cartoon. Like the ones I watched as a child. Perhaps I could also harvest innocence from my subconscious mind.                                                                    

There was no peace. I overheard three phones occupied. There were two conversations between lovers and one conversation with a parent.

The effect it had on me was that painful gnawing in my gut as I realized I was all alone. I needed a drink. Back in my room my tears fell faster than I could get it down. I realized in that moment I had no one to call and no one to call me. All I had was the bottle. That night, I made it a point to be outside and salute the flag as Taps played.   

Two weeks later we went back to the Pentagon. The night before we left back to Fort Lee I visited Crouse. He gave me a Type O Negative CD “Origin of The Feces” that he bought in Korea.   Crouse’s favorite cd cover was “Danzig 6:66.” On this cover a muscle bound man was holding a heart in his hands and had blood dripping from his mouth.

            William was chain smoking and drinking beer wile he was trashing out his barrack’s room. He had his own “I’ll love you forever ;” (hope he had a better experience than mine). She looked like a modernized version of a “flower child.”

He emptied those packs of BC Headache powder on the middle of his barracks table, and took a razor and made thin lines of the white powder.

 “Think they’ll think I had a big party here?” Crouse asked his buddy who was also with us. His buddy, who so conveniently, was in the Military Intelligence.

  “Hey Holmes, think I should use this ketchup to make it look like blood on the walls?”

  “Sure man. But can I use it on my chicken first?” A couple of hours ago I had bought a box of chicken that I was unable to keep frozen.

           He then wrote “War Pigs” on the wall and smeared it with his fingers to

authenticate.

      “Hey Holmes, let me see those chicken bones.” Thus he peeled away all the meat and skin, cut into one of his pillows, threw the feathers all around. To get an even further evil feel for what he was doing he drew a pentagram on his floor with his black shoe polish. Then he used his lighter to set the symbol a blaze.

He playfully snatched a half way eaten piece of chicken from my mouth and set it in the center of the pentagram.

I picked up a book on his floor and began skimming.

“William just loves that book.” His flower child girlfriend explained to me.

“So uh, how did ya’ll meet?” I let the book, by Poppy Bright, close on my index finger so I wouldn’t lose my place.

“Oh, we met at a bar just a few blocks away.” And I could just imagine him sticking clothes pins into his arms.

“I regret the fact that I have forgotten your name?”

“            It’s Pamela, just like Jim Morrison, pretty cool uh?” Crowse interrupted “Yea, that  book was her last one that was horror. Now she’s working on more autobiographical stuff.”

“Hey, Crowse. Think it is time that we had our last drink together.” His Military Intelligence friend added. He was trying to sound so hip as he took that half full fifth of Jack Daniels out of the refrigerator.

Mid October we got on a school bus to leave. One of the Soldiers who was deployed to Dover freaked out. He hallucinated the dead coming back to life and attacking him.

We stopped at a Burger King for lunch and saw Air Force One fly over us.

Near my birthday, late March, I got into an affair with a new female private in our squad. Once again, every time, thoughts and events came, came out of me that shame me. She left town to see her ex. Why did she leave her cell phone? Drunk out of my mind I listened to every message left by her ex. Of course I got jealous. Used it as an excuse to get looped for days. Days later, she left me for another guy in my squad. I was so jealous. Called her something like 30 times in four hours. Of course she kept the messages to remind me of why she quit me.

 Found out the hard way that you will get in trouble for sharing your thoughts with strangers. One night I was at a private and his wife’s house with a private (who was a friend of mine) drinking her away. I made a lewd comment about her. Thus, the private, not a friend of mine, told her what I had said. She told our platoon sergeant.