XXXVIII The notes byrne © 2015 (drug use denial, 'They just are jealous at my happiness.')

click this link and listen to this song The Rolling Stones ~ Mother's Little Helper as you read this one.

A couple weeks passed. I was in one of my teacher remediation courses. Had my phone on silent. When I checked it I had 13 missed calls. All were from her. Told me how she was so depressed being without me caused her to almost kill herself in a drug overdose. That Saturday, I drove non stop f(missing text) to ‘save her.’

Drove her back to Gulfport with all of her belongings in two trash bags and a laundry basket. Imposed on my step father and mother to let her stay with them. I stayed at my grandma’s house a quarter of a mile away.

After Thanksgiving she got a job at a pre-school/ childcare center. She made the arrangements for us to get our own apartment. I continued working construction. Finished my teacher’s remediation course. Which really seemed like a waste of time. After all, I was not going to teach again.

We’d go to meetings together, Mr. and Mrs. AA. All was good until my mom’s birthday in early December. I noticed a hundred dollar bill was missing. Then strangely, she bought my an expensive necklace. I confronted my girl about it. She got furious. She won the argument. Left me feeling guilty. My sponsor seemed to be on her side.

She started getting sick all of the time. Was constantly having me take her to doctors. When I took her to work every morning I was spending twenty dollars buying energy drinks and cough syrup. She’d even joke about getting high off of it at work.

My sister was the first to tell me that my girl had stolen pills. My girl was quick to tell how my sister was saying awful things about me. My sister just doesn't want me to be happy, she’s jealous. I called her up. Cussed her out. Pills started disappearing from my mom’s house. My sister had gotten to her. My grandma caught her stealing pills. My sister had turned all of them against me. Started hanging out with my father and my step sister. With them we could talk trash about my sister and my mom’s side of the family.  

Charles never took a side when I told him about everything. Uncle Blame, from A.A., warned me, “Don’t take much stock in her.” I was furious. My sponsor took my side. Blame was just jealous.

I worked day gutting houses that had mole of all fruit colored rainbow flavors. My hands would dry out. crack open streaks of blood. One by one the crew my childhood friend hired relapsed and disappeared. One day, I was the only one left. Lost the job when my child hood friend relapsed and disappeared. My bank account was deteriorating fast from paying bills and paying for her habit. Also included doctor shopping.

She started sleeping a lot. At other times she’d be speeding so much that she’d clean the whole apartment.

I went to Labor Ready. Man, that place was harsh. Day by day employment agencies tend to attract winos who take their $30. dollars a day to get their Thunderbird. Had me working as a garbage man. Was pretty kewl gig. Drove in parts that no one was allowed in. Parts of towns that were destroyed by Katrina. Made me wish I had a camera at the time. Even thought of a video I could do. Maybe, one day.

My stepfather was doing architecture work for the Harrison County School District. He had put a word in for me. Suggested I call the principal of the junior high school.

 Talked to my father about it. He suggested, “Get back on that horse, son.” I called the principal.

One day I was cleaning the Waste Management yard. Found a turquoise ring. Kept it. Still have that ring. Next day, Valentine’s Day 2006, I started teaching again. It felt good to sign that contract for $11, 000. for three months. Finally, the struggle was over. Or so I thought it was.

In mid April, 24^th avenue was having a function. My girl had volunteered to babysit the kids at this function. Ease dropping, I heard females talking about how her eyes were dilated, and she was speeding. I sought counsel from my former sponsor in Hattiesburg.

One day my father called me telling me how my girl had stolen pills from my step sister. Now my father was jealous of my happiness as well. Told me I should pay my step sister for the pills. I tried to pay my stepsister. She refused.

My girl and I started getting into arguments. Then the make up sex made it better. I was wrongfully accusing her. A week before school ended she had conned a Walgreens pharmacist into giving her liquid codein. She added pills that she had stolen. I called up a couple of female friends in AA. They came and took her to the hospital. She almost died of a drug overdose. I was devastated. It was my fault. Everything was my fault-symptom of the grandiose seeking control. I ran the phone off of the hook of my sponsor. Sobbed uncontrollably for hours that seemed like months.

On Tuesday, the principal informed me that I would not be hired back due to the student population of Katrina.

What was I to do?