Inbetween Drags Part II © 2015

“It ain’t a stigmata it’s cancer.” I thought as the doctor told me. Reassuring me after my look of horror, “It’s not Cancer. It is just a spot on your left lung where the arteries have grown into the veins. We have to keep an eye on it though. Have an x-ray done on it in six months."

Sat in that church just outside of Manchu Picchu writing fiction. The story is about playing guitar so awfully that it blew the heads off of zombies. Had that strange throbbing in my upper ab for a while now. Looked at that statue of a black Jesus. He had a gaping wound in the same spot we’re they stuck em’. I laughed at the thought of that. That throbbing is probably just constipation from the massive amounts of protein I ingest to keep my body looking like it looks.

When I got back to Jackson Mississippi, my VA PTSD counselor told me I should get it checked out. At first the doctor told me it was just my pancreas was too big from my triglycerides being high (1,800) because I drink energy drinks a lot when I “Smoke coffee and drink cigarettes,” Instant insanity just add coffee. live performance of song I did at Ground Zero They just happened to find that small blood clot on my lung.

I had to quit both energy drinks and smoking. Damn but I’ve molded my life around that stuff. Especially smoking. Damn quit drinking and drugging years ago. 13 years ago through 12 steps.

Knew I’d have to give this up eventually. Was gonna’ quit round July because the state had threatened to raise our insurance rates of state employees (I am a school teacher)  if we smoked. The senators voted that out.

When I started twenty years ago, I remembered smoking one and got that buzz. Thought about how great it would be to buy a whole pack then I could be high all the time.

                                    All alone. Self-pity.

All the kewl kids smoked. I could be kewl too. Twenty years later, those kewl kids ain’t around. We went our separate ways. Others of em’ died. Smoking was the ultimate thing to get outta work. Smoked to escape the bad kids I taught. Every time I quit for a few hours I’d reward myself by smoking one. Mark Twain once said something like “I quit several times a day.”

Well, I’m on day (lost count quit August 12 or 13th) now being with out cigarettes. Toke on a vapor cigarette about five times a day. Wear the patch. Used to be a role model years ago before trying to be like the kewl kids. Taught Taekwondo. Some of those who knew me back then still say I’m wasted or drunk.