100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (Her thoughts of me)-excerpt from 2 to 1 (C) 2003, 2017

'To make myself a better person.'-so I tell myself.  I read the pages of a story, 2to1 I wrote when I stopped drinking. When I got sober.  In the story subplot,fictionalized, two lovers separated by hundreds of miles we were trying to harm one another by psychic warfare.  We had just cut each other on our hands. I was alone in my misery. You had a new man to console you. I read on and wonder, "Is this what you thought of me?"

“My mother met a new man, Rob. She was about to take me with her. But he didn’t want to let me go. Told me we could have a life together. Told me we’d get a house. I never had a boy pay that much attention to me before. We were inseparable. I loved the attention at first. My mother and Rob moved up here. He and I remained there. He got a pizza delivery job. I didn’t work because by this point I was getting child support, 400 dollars a month, until age 21. We lived in this apartment. It had a single bedroom with a kitchen and den. Things were really great at first. Felt great to be away from home and live independently. We’d smoke weed, and party every now and then. But then his drinking became a concern, I didn’t pay it that much mind at first. He was so sweet. During his deliveries he’d stop in and smoke a lil’ with me and we’d talk. He just couldn’t wait to get off of work so we could spend more time together. Then…” ‘Then’ the ugly four letter word used in this context usually meant that something tragic was about to follow. Mike pulled her closer. Now her emotions were beginning to level out a bit. But he was weary because he sensed that she might go back down a spiral and start freaking out again. The bleeding from her palm had stopped.

… “one day I met some old friends of mine that I hadn’t seen in a while. They started coming by more and more. I loved him so much…” Yea, Mike was right, now she was crying again. He held her tighter and gently kissed her atop of her head. Her hair felt smooth on his lips, almost like feathers. “It’s okay, baby. Tell me about it. Let it all out.” He was sure he was getting somewhere with her now. After all, chicks love the sensitive guy. Right? He’d have her eating out of the palm of his hand in no time. “Well, well.” She couldn’t stand to continue dredging up the memories that she tried to suppress so long ago. She sobbed more intensely now and held her head down in her hands. Now he’d take advantage and kiss her. She was vulnerable. He gently lifted her head up, placing both his palms on her cheeks. He leaned in closer for a first base play. But, she turned her head obliviously before he even puckered his lips. Was she oblivious?