Part 2 I am just a dreamer and you were just a dream you could have been anyone to me. 100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (c) 2017

...and so that day came.

The day when I saw my ex-girl friend. The one that I wondered what would have happened if I would have done her better. I had written many things about her. Had written many things about how hurt I was when it ended. These writings are just a portion of a saga I titled A 100 Love Letters I'll Never Send. I tried to drink and drug the memories, the angst away.

I see her with her man. Now I am trying to muster the gumption to walk up to her...

What are the chances? I think about what I will say. 

My heart beat increased. I felt sweat beading on my forehead. I had heard from somewhere that you had gotten sober about 4 years prior than I did. Or may be I just told myself that with so much will to believe that I believed something I told myself.

 That’s redundant. Ridiculous as talking to and about you with you having no idea.  I have been writing letters to you. Been waiting for this moment. In my car I have an old briefcase filled with these writings. Maybe I should have left those writings. Maybe by picking them up I brought you here through some sort of majick. Majick uh? Well that thought makes me giggle to myself.

 I watch the way you look at him. You have so much joy to be around him. I remember once you had that look for me. I watch the way you hold his hand, he holds yours as you walk like nothing on this world matters but the two of you. If I was to come up there and say ‘Hi’ that would make you so uncomfortable. Would probably bring to mind your worst moments with me. Or would you be telling yourself to remember bad moments rather than good ones as a way to deny the love you still have for me.

 I remember you bought books about soulmates. I was immature at the time and criticized you for it. Maybe this is my chance for us to be together again. Maybe my Loh’Rd sent us here to meet one another. Who am I to deny God’s will? Then I think of something I would do if I was in that type of situation, if I was the guy you’re with now. I’d immediately accuse her of cheating on me-putting another doubt in your head-another reason for us not to be. I’m different now. I’ve learned. We can have that happy life now.

I watch the couples come in the door. The radio playing timeless love songs,  A theme for this moment, “We’re One but we’re not the same. We got to carry each other."  It’s a U2 song being covered by Johnny Cash. In the music video it shows a man painted on top of a car passing by a female painted on top of a car. I wrote a scene like this years ago in My Megalomania at Midnight.

Yea how many of us have lived this one before? Missing your love of your life by chance and this is mine. It’s like that one thing you didn’t have the nerve to do that could’ve changed your whole life. But you’ll never know because you didn’t take that chance. REGRET. Well, this is my chance for happiness.

“What do you want?” She asks.