100 Love Letters I'LL Never Send (Why Not Me? Tripping on the 13 Step) (C) 2017

June 05, 2017

Where do I Go from here?

... in the past what did I have to give?
AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) Saved Me. I wouldn't have my life without it.
She kept smiling every time I'd come into those meetings. Since I became sober I've heard about people finding their loves of their lives in meetings. Why not me?

I've also heard about people thinking that they found that woman/man. ...and it doesn't end well. They end up relapsing, using drugs alcohol again, and never are the same again.

That's why they say wait a year. It's been years since I been with anyone. I can handle it now.

“The main problem that ya’ll warned me about that was through any means I will try to escape myself. It was escapism I lied to myself when I went into that bar room telling myself I’d just drink that soda. But then that girl was getting into an argument with her man. The cops came and drug him off. I figured I’d buy her a drink. One thing led to another…” Of course, I zoned out as I scanned across the room to see if her eyes would meet mine. Her eyes meet mine. “’It can be different this time,’ I told myself. My sponsor told me I was making her my higher power…” I zoned out again. Her hair is curly. “This is wrong you come into recovery to get better not make it a dating service…”

Yea this is AA. 24^th avenue club house that’s been here since the late 1940’s. Rich aristocrats built this building on what was swamp land. It’s a long building. Has an entrance room; they call that the half measures room. There’s a chart on the wall of those who died sober and invested much to the club. The main room is huge has chairs with tables, and chairs along the walls. Has the slogans, the big mount of the 12 steps, and the 12 traditions. Has a chart where people write their recovery dates annually. This room can hold two hundred people. Most meetings here have around thirty in attendance.

She has long beautiful curly hair. Her blouse is cut low. “Yea she knew what she was doing when you get sober things start working again. These things that now work are very intense like the first time. It’s a hell of a ride going through puberty again in your 40’s.” They laugh.