100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (tripping over the 13th Step) "Crossing the Threshold of Doubts and Dreams" (c) 2017

After finally getting passed that girl I held onto for so long, too long, I decided it was time for me to get back into the dating game. I figured I'd get with a girl in an AA meeting. ...she made it too easy.



“This is an opportunity that God is giving me. I better take it. But that was me making something out of nothing…”

 I continued to ignore what they said. I got up out of my chair and walked slowly. Like God had pressed the slow mo on this vcr tape called life.

“…they told me. Everyone told me it was a bad idea. I did it anyway. Thought they just didn’t want me to be happy...”

“…she changed once we got married. She did things that I use to say were the reason. She drove me to drink…”

…and I opened the door to the ‘halfway measures room’ and stepped across The Threshold of Doubts and Dreams. That knot in the stomach. I'm being warned? Naw that's just me making up lies so I don't take a chance and get hurt.


She saw me and sat on the couch. Had an ear to ear grin. "Hey Jon." 
An ear to ear grin. Like a car salesman maybe? Like a psychic vampire to lure you in and suck away your hopes and dreams? More lies I tell myself so I don't take a chance and get hurt? So what?
I chuckle as a Hall and Oats song comes to mind "Man Eater" click to hear song. Play Listen to it while you read.

This old man, they call him 'Fast Eddie,' is behind the coffee counter. I look at him for any sort of guidance. He shrugs his shoulders.  
"Thanks Ed." I mutter to myself. I pour myself a cup of coffee.
I look at her. Time to play it cool,

 "Hey girl you want some coffee?"
"Sure."

Then I sat down by her. Hand her a cup of coffee.

"Sooh uh. How are you doing?"

"I'm good. Been having my eyes on you for a while."

"Oh yea." But if they want you first. Once they get you they'll throw you away for something else.

"We should hang out sometime." Seemingly she senses my doubts; or am I being neurotic?

Time to be brave, "How bout tomorrow?"

"Sure come by my house at 2 pm." Damn that was easy too easy. She writes her address down on a napkin. I look back at Fast Eddie. He nods his head and chuckles a bit. Then smiles.

"Okay I 'll see you then uh uh..."

"My name is Carmelita. My parents named me after the song. Kinda."

 "Except with a K. I'll see you then."










Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send Pt 2 (Inside Your Shadow) (c) 2022-2023

  I work in one of the biggest and the tallest buildings in town. It’s quite a sight to see looking out the windows on the top floor. Even more so on the flat roof top. You can see the entire city below. Imagine that. I look forward to bringing you here. We could have a picnic on the roof top. I’ve got a big house too.               He dared not tell the truth, that he had just bought the house about four days prior. Moved in new furniture Setting everything in place. Like the state of the art refrigerator with two silver doors that were bigger than that closet in the apartment that they lived in Wiggins.He had an expensive China dishes in a glass cabinet in the kitchen. It was in a special place, just so that when she came to the kitchen that would be the first thing she would see. Maybe she would remember, and know that he was different, than that time they were in the thrift store. Her mother bought the second hand utensils, and dishes. He was so oblivious of everything. Didn’t ev
Read more

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send part 3 (Inside Your Shadow) (C) 2022-2023

 “Dude, look at the way you live Like in a hovel,” his friend Carlton told him about a year ago. At that time, he was living in a two-bedroom apartment. “…that’s more like a compartment. You really think you gonna attract any kind of female?” “What about you, living in that tin can?” Tin can was what he called Carlton’s trailer home. Carlton always seemed to have the right answer, “I don’t really care dude. You’re the one always talking about being alone.” Carlton said. Then took a sip of his beer. He had cleaned up a little bit. That meant that he just moved the biggest things into a spare room so that no one could see the mess. Carlton always knew about the coolest movies to watch. There was just one picture on his wall. It was of James Dean with one of his quotes in all big letters “Dream like you’ll live forever; live as though you’ll die today.” They were sitting on the couch that should have been thrown away years ago. “Check this out,” Carlton said as they watched “Pulp Fictio
Read more

100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (Neediness, emotional blackmail and such isn't conducive to a happy productive life.) (c) 2017

Mid 2017: (c) 2017 I have subjected myself to needless misery. In the past I have taken everything as personal insult. Why? I think I did it to protect myself from being hurt. Not too long ago, I criticized online dating. Now that I am on an online dating site I think I have broken through lies I have told myself. I wonder if anyone else has told themselves these lies: There's no one out there for me. Why does this always happen to me? Girls won't like me once they know the real me. I am discovering that people need people. I am going out with several different women and realize it's not a personal jab if we don't meet again. All it means is we just don't mesh well. I must look at women like I would friends. Neediness, emotional blackmail and such isn't conducive to a happy productive life. When I told myself such lies I acted out on them. Thus came a self-defeating life style. My mind enacted my actions; to become the lies I had told myself. How do I
Read more