100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (What I think is going on may not be what's really going on.) (C) 2017

 "You can take care of our precious Carmelita. I can't believe that she tried to..."
"It was a four wheel drive wreck." Carmelita's mother interrupted her grand mother. 

On their way to an AA meeting he finally gets the gumption to ask her what happened. He was overcome with curiosity from the breakfast. What was your grandmother about to say when she was interrupted by your mother?



Her demeaner totally changed. Her eyes got watery.

Then my phone rang. She let out a huge sigh. I answered and he said, “Hey boy.”
“Hello,” my tone was aggravated. How dare he interrupted my happiness.
“You’re with her uh?”
“Yep.”
“How’s it going?”
“Great.” He knew I wasn’t.
“Oh yea?”
“I’M FINE!”
“Fuct up insecure neurotic and emotional.” Link to Aerosmith song
“We’re on our way to a meeting. Talk to you later,” I hang up the phone.

“I just missed you so much,” with that she held my hand tightly. It felt so good to hear that. She continued, “I saw a counselor. She prescribed me chill out pills. I was good for that first week. My brother and his wife were good to me. Would bring me to their parties. Parties where there were card nights, karaoke, trivia…” I listened with red flags going on in my mind. She’s shaping how she wants me to behave. “…and I imagined that you were here with me. They’d tell me that long distant relationships never work…” My mind went there. Anger; she cheated on me. Then those haunting words came to my mind,

"You know what this really means uh?"

"What," I reply offended that he wasn't happy for me.
"You'll never trust her because you'll project your infidelity on her." Then he just left me standing there.


“…he spiked my drink. Thank God that I was able to come to my senses before he got very far. Then I just felt so dirty. So guilty. I tried to kill myself.”

I guess it a matter of perception. As well as, it's about the actions I take, or don't take, from that perception. What I think is going on may not be what's really going on.


 LOVE IS ABOUT MAKING SOMEONE BETTER. OR IT COULD BE SHE’S JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO USE. Or maybe it’s both. Something beautiful can come out of this-can come out of anything.

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