notes byrne XL (CAN A WOMAN MAKE A MAN LOSE HIS MIND prequel) © 2015

Finally, I was over her. That was a great freedom.

I’d beg and plead. She hung up the phone on me. I lost my mind, “I want my baby back,” was the only thing I could say. Charles tried to cheer me up reciting the TGIF commercial, “I want my baby back baby back ribs.” My old sponsor in Hattiesburg suggested I go to Memorial Behavioral Health. Wanted to get up out of bed and do things. Couldn’t do nothing. No eating. No sleeping, just chain smoking. She’d never answer the phone. Sent her two hundred dollars in cash. Was getting closer and closer to suicide. Took about a week to surrender to it and call him up in Hattiesburg. He told me what to do. Went to Memorial Behavioral Health in angst. Begging to be admitted. They wouldn’t admit me until the 911 ambulance. Fifteen minutes later I was taken to the emergency room of the hospital. My sister stayed with me most of the night looking after me. A nurse interviewed me. I told her almost my entire life history. Every other sentence was about ‘dat girl.’

Next day I was in Memorial Behavioral Health. I wrote all these crappy self-pity letters and songs-at the time I thought it was all so great. I still have those writings. Continued working on My Megalomania At Midnight.  purchase here only $1.ooCalled her every chance I got. No answer. The 20^th of June came quick, my third week. …and I was still obsessing over ‘dat woman.’ Kept asking when they would let me out. They kept saying, “Not just yet.”  “He’s like that guy from A Beautiful Mind. He may never come out of this,” coming from a college graduate with no experience. “Mom, how can I get out of here?” “Tell them what they want to hear.” I did and was released the day before July 1, 2006. I was far from being well.

While I was locked in the crazy house my step father, mother, sister, and Charles moved all the things out of my apartment and into a small U-Haul trailer.

July 1, 2006 I picked up my 4 year sobriety chip from 24^th Avenue. I was smoking and drinking coffee-smoking coffee drinking cigarettes. Memorial Behavioral Health is a tobacco and caffeine free facility.

Remembered getting pulled over by the Gulfport Police Department for looking sketchy. They saw my head meds in the car. Explained to them that I was Bi-Polar and headed to Clarksdale to teach, “Excuse me I don’t mean to offend you, but how do you expect to teach having Bi-Polar?”