Notes that byrne XXXIX © 2015 (Every thing is my fault!)

In one week our hero learned that his girlfriend had overdosed and his job had fired him. What was he to do? Go back to his old ways by drowning himself in the bottle? Naw...

What was I to do? Once again I sought out my college supervisor. She suggested that I call the Mississippi Delta since I had a grudge with the preatty school systems of the Gulf-Coast.

Visited my girl at her sponsor’s house. She was asleep. It was all my fault.

Next day at school I got on the web searching for AA groups and gyms in the same town as schools in the Delta. I called Panola first. Then I called Clarksdale. Within two hours the principal called me, “Mr. Holmes do you want a job?” “Yes Sir.” “I’m a woman.” “Sorry mam.” “That’s okay. I have a deep voice.” I was to report to Clarksdale in late July. My girl’s parents came from Ashville to take her back. That was the worst thing to happen to me. Or so I thought. My sponsor had me go to Alanonhttp://www.al-anon.org/ meetings-link

She was forced by her sponsor to call me. Went to the hotel to see her. We could still be together. Even get married one day.

When I had the urge to learn Charles showed me a few guitar licks. In bold for title Left my Krammer electric guitar plugged into my old Crate amp on purpose, for her and her parents to see when they came to get her things out of the apartment. I was crying at 24^thAvenue. https://www.facebook.com/pages/24th-Ave-Fellowship-Club/139683556199954 Good friends, who I thought didn’t like me, called my sister. She and those alcoholics from 24^th looked after me. They carried me when I could not carry myself. My family feared I was at the brink of suicide. I remember going on a AA retreat in Abbita at a monastery. Add more Kept calling her obsessively three to four times a day on her cell phone that I bought for her and was paying the bill for. Kept calling because it was all my fault. And she kept me thinking that we were together. She’d tell me how the day care kids came to visit her. I believed it all. Was renewed of my faith in our relationship with the “I love yous” and “I miss yous.”

One of the AA’s finally convinced me to have her pay for the phone. When I requested that $175. dollars she said she’d send it in $50. dollar payments. Of course, she never did.

I kept writing My Megalomania At Midnight  purchase here http://www.amazon.com/Megalomania-Mississippi-Fantasies-Disasters-Hurricane-ebook/dp/B00CTD2NNI excerpt herehttp://www.honeabyrne.com/2014/09/excerpt-from-my-megalomania-at-midnight.html The work was greatly inspired by the book Confederacy of Dunces, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Confederacy_of_Dunces that I borrowed from Charles. Some of it even mirrors it. A piece of me knew it wasn’t my fault. In the book, in my life, I broke myself in two one in the character of John, the heart broken pathetic lil’ boy, and the other was Honea, the courageous witty author. Book also included some personal heroes Allan, ‘Brother Redd,’ https://myspace.com/propagandaministries https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMlR98Oo1uE and Tommy, ‘Mercury McCloud,’ McManus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bGQs1ZxzVQ.

The next time she called she started cussing me out. “You can live here if you want but stay the f*^# away from me.” I begged and heard a voice in the background, “Who is that?” “My stupid a%$ ex-boyfriend.”

Started rationing when I’d call her hour to hour day to day. Was the most difficult thing to get her out of my system. Or so I thought. Everything’s my fault. Made it much easier when I cut off her cell phone. Unfortunately, I had her parent’s number memorized. Memorized, haunted me took away my free will. Through the help of AA, particularly my sponsor, I was able to piece it all together. She got out of control. Her parents didn’t know what to do with her. Probably were tired of baby sitting her. She was such a bad pill head that she even bought a pill book from Walmart. Went almost a week with out calling her. Was so proud of myself. Drove up to Clarksdale wearing one of my custom made suits that I had bought while stationed in Korea in 1999, “I appreciate you coming up. I already hired you.” Made the arrangements to get an apartment. Went to a meeting. Got me a new sponsor. I think it’s important to have a sponsor in the same town I live in.

Finally, I was over her. That was a great freedom.