100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (...having homes in empty temples) (c) 1997, 2017
"Wasn't supposed to be that way." I find some other rhymes I wrote from that time in South Korea.
One of our, Toro and I, jobs was to take human remains back to the hospital morgue. Every now and then we would assist in autopsies.
All that tough thought of living in misery. Embracing the darkness. When I looked at the inevitable I realized the truth. The truth was I was scared to live my life. I used pessimism as an excuse.
The first body I saw, in South Korea, was a retired Sergeant Major. He got to the top of the non commissioned officer branch and died two weeks after he retired. Drank himself to death. Someone there made the comment that people afraid to get out the military because they don't know what to do with themselves when they get out.
This wasn't the first time I saw the dead. I had seen it during my Mortuary Affairs training in Fort Lee Virginia. Read about that experience here.
The instructor warned us in training, "Don't think about it too much. Some can handle it. Others, not so much."
I found some of the rhymes I wrote before seeing the dead. It was such a traumatizing thing to imagine they were once alive now they were just empty bodies. Did I see it coming? My earlier rhymes mimicked those of popular gangsta rappers. As a teenager I loved the rap rhymes that made killing seem so cool so tough. Also they'd talk about how crazy they were. So I thought crazy was cool until I actually went crazy. I realize now looking at my writing that seeing the dead made me different. I let it get to me.
As if (your FAITH) 3-11-1997
If I love to be chasing that path that is out of control. Let life be a drifting dream. A dream in which all hath a soul.
BECAUSE
I hate having homes in empty temples. Abandoned with their two gleamless windows,
with hallways hollow and desperate with water fountains stream less.
MY GOD I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING WHEN I AM DREAMLESS!
One of our, Toro and I, jobs was to take human remains back to the hospital morgue. Every now and then we would assist in autopsies.
All that tough thought of living in misery. Embracing the darkness. When I looked at the inevitable I realized the truth. The truth was I was scared to live my life. I used pessimism as an excuse.
The first body I saw, in South Korea, was a retired Sergeant Major. He got to the top of the non commissioned officer branch and died two weeks after he retired. Drank himself to death. Someone there made the comment that people afraid to get out the military because they don't know what to do with themselves when they get out.
This wasn't the first time I saw the dead. I had seen it during my Mortuary Affairs training in Fort Lee Virginia. Read about that experience here.
The instructor warned us in training, "Don't think about it too much. Some can handle it. Others, not so much."
I found some of the rhymes I wrote before seeing the dead. It was such a traumatizing thing to imagine they were once alive now they were just empty bodies. Did I see it coming? My earlier rhymes mimicked those of popular gangsta rappers. As a teenager I loved the rap rhymes that made killing seem so cool so tough. Also they'd talk about how crazy they were. So I thought crazy was cool until I actually went crazy. I realize now looking at my writing that seeing the dead made me different. I let it get to me.
As if (your FAITH) 3-11-1997
If I love to be chasing that path that is out of control. Let life be a drifting dream. A dream in which all hath a soul.
BECAUSE
I hate having homes in empty temples. Abandoned with their two gleamless windows,
with hallways hollow and desperate with water fountains stream less.
MY GOD I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING WHEN I AM DREAMLESS!
Life is but a daydream. Daydream with...
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