100 Love Letters I'll Never Send (God was punishing the sinners by giving them stds.) (c) 2017

I came to the office Monday morning. I was still hung over from Saturdays debauchery. My boss Sergeant Toro was the first to notice. “Junior you look like you had a ruff weekend,” he said with an ear to ear grin. 

 “Yea,” I replied.
 “It’s yes sergeant!” He got a serious tone and I stood up straighter. Then he laughed, “You saw Mimi Choi uh? You wear a rain coat pilgrim?” He asked.

“Yea.” I answered. But the truth was I wasn’t entirely sure. I just blocked it from my mind like it never happened at all. I figured sooner or later the US Army would give me some sort of health screening. Thank God I didn't catch anything.

Reminded me of getting tested for a disease about a year after we were together. I was paranoid enough back then. I remember the sex is a doomed death videos they’d show in school. Video’s where someone’s testicles would be the size of grapefruits. Weird looking white and green stuff growing on penises. Weird stuff growing in vagina’s. Puss filled pimple looking things on tongues and the face. “You can get these things by kissing if both of you have an open wound in your mouths. You can have hiv for years and not even know,” were the mildest things they told us. I chuckle now thinking to myself, “No wonder they thought I associated death with love.”

In the 90's, being sober and a virgin in high school I adopted an extreme Christian viewpoint that God was punishing the sinners by giving them stds. Why did I have this belief? Was it a way for me to feel superior over peers that I felt so inferior being around? I remember the fanatic christians on television would talk about  'AIDS is god's punishment to the gays.'


I wonder what would have happened if you weren’t on birth control. We could have a grown child now. I remember how good it felt making love to you. I’d let the paranoia go. Damn that would be such an insult to you to know I got tested. 

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