honea byrne

The embrace of... Animals get close to stay warm. Our bodies meshed with the television blaring in the background. You knew I was too shy, too insecure to cop a feel. Therefore, you had a cassette movie playing Ferris Bueller's Day OFF. When the "Oh Yea," voice came on you were nude, and unfastening my trousers. "I love you." whispers to each others ears. What did? What does? What did it really mean? I really like the way, what you're doing to me right now? Or is it the emotional blackmail of I have you trapped now to do whatever I want/don't want you to do? The smell of the bed sheets was of a calm forest after the rain. Your bed was big. I didn't know how we were suddenly underneath the white sheet as you giggled and I felt your body heat up. I LOVE YOU whispers in the ears. Whispers in those seconds divided, before, in between and after the kisses. In those moments of ecstasy when you, any male thinks, "I should be using protection....

I found my perfect woman. Found her at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. She is the woman of my dreams. The person who is my Spiritual Advisor, aka sponsor, is telling me it's doomed. HE IS WRONG! ... and study what his muted television is showing. It's that show The Bachlorette. All these men doing the most degrading things, like trick ponies, for the hot chick, One does push ups, another takes his shirt off and flexes his pecs, and one even does some silly dance. After each trick the camera zooms on her facial expressions. My Lo'Rd, real life can't be like this!  "She kept explaining, 'You're so much better than him. We used to get into fights over the most silliest things. Like who was going to pay for dinner. I'd have to get him to pay only after begging and pleading. Than he'd bring up all the times I made him feel guilty. We would go all out during our fights. Once I had to hit him with a frying pan to keep him from choking me to death....

GRAPHIC CONTENT: “’I been waiting to do this a while.’ Twenty minutes ago we were on a couch watching a movie at her parent’s house. She says she was twenty three. That still set off a red flag. Then she came closer and closer to me. Then she got her face close to mine. Boldly, I placed my hands on her waist. She got on top of me. Started unbuckling my trousers, I took her shirt off. Don’t even know how her bra got off. Her nipples were so hard. My goodness, it was like having a a pop sickle in my mourn. Went from cold to hot. I felt her whole body heat up. Her sweat dampened my hair on my chest. Now she had me in her mouth. My head got light. Got slightly dizzy. Stumbled back. Fell on the hard rocky path. Then she…” “Let me warn you.” He let out a sigh. My go to guy, also known as, as a sponsor. The guy who guides me through the 12 steps. “Are you ready?” he looked at me with that warning   Sternness entrapping my attention. “Yea I’m ready to be with…” “Damn ...

After finally getting passed that girl I held onto for so long, too long, I decided it was time for me to get back into the dating game. I figured I'd get with a girl in an AA meeting. ...she made it too easy. “This is an opportunity that God is giving me. I better take it. But that was me making something out of nothing…”  I continued to ignore what they said. I got up out of my chair and walked slowly. Like God had pressed the slow mo on this vcr tape called life. “…they told me. Everyone told me it was a bad idea. I did it anyway. Thought they just didn’t want me to be happy...” “…she changed once we got married. She did things that I use to say were the reason. She drove me to drink…” …and I opened the door to the ‘halfway measures room’ and stepped across The Threshold of Doubts and Dreams. That knot in the stomach. I'm being warned? Naw that's just me making up lies so I don't take a chance and get hurt. She saw me and sat on the couch...

Where do I Go from here? ... in the past what did I have to give? AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) Saved Me. I wouldn't have my life without it. She kept smiling every time I'd come into those meetings. Since I became sober I've heard about people finding their loves of their lives in meetings. Why not me? I've also heard about people thinking that they found that woman/man. ...and it doesn't end well. They end up relapsing, using drugs alcohol again, and never are the same again. That's why they say wait a year. It's been years since I been with anyone. I can handle it now. “The main problem that ya’ll warned me about that was through any means I will try to escape myself. It was escapism I lied to myself when I went into that bar room telling myself I’d just drink that soda. But then that girl was getting into an argument with her man. The cops came and drug him off. I figured I’d buy her a drink. One thing led to another…” Of course, I zoned out as I ...

It is action time. I'm either going to do it or NOT! Am I going to seek my ex-girlfriend?  This is the end part of this saga. Note:  play this song while reading this for full entertainment purpose. “What do you want?” In those couple of seconds as I wait to reply I think: Some songs, sounds, sights, and touch get lost in time. I remember the pain we put each other through just to make our time together exciting. Like arguing just to have passionate makeup. After a while; the arguing was more than the makeup. This may be my only opportunity I’ll have to make amends. THAT IS A LIE I AM TELLING MYSELF. Yea, you go through your life lying. Then something happens and you are forced to face the truth…and I got this feeling, knot in my stomach, this could be one of those moments. “Sir?” I look up at the waitress. I NEED TO LEAVE. She is in her early twenties. “Uh…” I dig in my pocket. Pull out the crumpled five-dollar bill. I could write my phone number on i...